The Journey continues

What if we erased all of our thoughts about the world....what if we absolutely cleaned the slate of our past....our story....what if we pressed the restart button.....what would be the first thing we decided to plant into that vast space?

This topic intrigues me. I used to think I had the perfect way to be.....I was doing the vegetarian thing....eating right, no more drinking, thinking positive thoughts, and reading all the best books. There have been many times in my life where I thought I had the answers....I thought I was aware. But maybe the real perceptions were being blocked out because I was just hanging out in my head all that time....thinking about how good I was doing according to the latest research or trends in the hippie/activist/artist (don't know exactly what to call it) culture.

It's been one hell of a journey....and I'm seeing the dots connect....I'm feeling more compassion for those steps that were taken from that place of showing off and being special and needing attention. I'm noticing where all these steps eventually have taken me....and although it was a very bumpy road....I've noticed I'm finally landing in my heart. I didn't realize that being grounded could feel so loving. I used to think that grounding myself meant I had to be more logical and sensical about things....like I needed to be really good with numbers and stop being such an artist all the time. It's so interesting that this new feeling of groundedness has been a heart awakening....and that I've taken all of the attention off of it being so serious. Who knew that you could be totally expanded and also grounded!?

I see that my journey is about learning to use discernment....to speak up....to stand up!.....to be me.....to listen more.....to laugh more.....to cry more.....to feel.....to steer my own ship....and do it deliberately.....this journey leads me beyond the limitations of my disability....through the challenges....which still come my way!!!.....and into a loving path of consciousness work.

I see that this is really what I wanted for so long....and most of the reason I felt so lost in life while growing up. There is this part of us that somehow knows that we are bigger or maybe just a part of something bigger than what we can perceive. That is what lights me up inside. That there is purpose for life... for my life....and for that beautiful connection that comes when we interact as "me" and as "you" ~ minus those labels.

I've also noticed that the world is ready for more of this. I feel as I speak with people throughout my days that just sharing a connection is more valuable than anything....we all want to be able to care for others and feel cared for. In fact, just yesterday I was rolling toward a door to a restaurant...and right as I was swinging it open a young man was coming toward me to get it but quickly saw that I had it just fine....he was sort of shy about telling me he wanted to get the door because I could feel he didn't want me to take it in a wrong way. He said "of course you had it...." and we shared this very sweet moment of gratitude as I thanked him for the kindness and said to him how I have learned to really start appreciating help as it comes.


While I was in the bathroom after that moment (the best place for personal realizations hahah) I realized that my experience of being in a wheelchair has brought sooooo many moments like this one. I have gotten to see the kindness in people more than usual....I see how much people care about you even if it is only in the way they look at you. Perhaps in the beginning I was so self conscious about being in a chair that I took it as sympathy or fear in their eyes.....but now I can see the genuine love and care that humans share for other humans. We see ourselves in each other.....we learn more about ourselves as we let in moments like these. Humans get a bad rap sometimes...but we aren't that bad are we? ...... it really does depend on how you look at it I suppose.

For me....it's been a journey....one of care and kindness and compassion. I've seen through a lot of the mind stuff and I've continued to explore the creations of my life from this space of curiosity. Always feeling excited about not really knowing.... yet having the amazing power as a creator to be able to DECIDE what I wish to tell myself about the story of my life.....what I wish to believe about the direction my life is headed....and how I feel at any given moment.

Like I said, a journey....and I'm so grateful for the Avatar tools to be able to speed up the process of integration so that I can be more available to others. The more I integrate in my space...the more wide open space for others to step into and explore their own lives.....and the more compassion and forgiveness I feel about myself....the more I can understand and be present with others who are struggling to forgive themselves. Gifts of integration.

What a life.

Is it possible to feel so grateful you could explode? I think so.....


Namaste my loved ones.  Love Laurie ~ More pictures below of me and my sweet Zephyr kitty

being Successful...being Me.

 I'm not sure what to write about these days....maybe that's why I haven't blogged in a while. I've had my attention on so many different aspects of my life and also the lives of others...and so much has grown in my personal evolution. I know I have some very dear friends who have enjoyed these posts in the past, so I am just going to share some "in-the-moment" thoughts with you all and thank you so much for your continuous care and compassion for my journey.

Something that has been on my mind recently is being successful. I mean successful in the broad way....it includes being financially stable, being confident, feeling worthy, and pretty much shining inside and out. There are areas in my life where I shine...no doubts about that....but then why haven't I allowed all aspects to be just as great?

Recently my father visited me in Florida at my new apartment. It was the first time I had gotten to spend time with him for more than a day in about 3 years.....crazy! I had the chance to show him my van, drive HIM around....that was certainly a change from 3 years ago =)....and I got to feel that awesome feeling of just being together. We have a cool thing, us two. We love music, we love food, we love people, we love driving, we love markets, etc. We jammed on guitar and ukulele at a cafe....and talked computers.... and relaxed in the moment....etc.....you get the point? We're cool =)

Then after our days together I dropped him off at the airport and it suddenly hit me....I wanted to hold on. It was so amazing that it was almost tragic to have to let go. I felt like every type of person in that moment....a mother, a daughter, a grandma, and brother, the favorite uncle...the wife...you name it....I was feeling all those pains we feel when we have to leave our loved ones or simply allow them to move on.

I was so grateful in that moment because I began exploring the whole creation rather than feeling taken over by it...by using the Avatar tools... I felt through the tough emotions, noticed the thoughts, the feelings, the ideas, all of it.... and I came to this amazing new perspective about my life. I ended up crying tears of gratitude instead of tears of pain. My fears had dissolved into love. To me, this is what transcending really is. These are those moments of enlightenment. When we actually "LIGHTEN UP" ~ we can laugh and shine only 10 minutes after having an experience of complete destruction. ~ I feel that in our day to day lives we are offered so many opportunities to move into a deeper sense of connection and love.

That morning began a whole new life for me.....a life that I could actually feel alive in! This is not uncommon these days since I began working with the Avatar courses....there are moments where you literally feel completely brand new but with this total sense of "I am present with who I am"

The new perspective I found is this. I will try to get it as clear as I can...but for me it is absolutely mind blowing. I realized that most of the self-sabotaging behaviors or creations in my life were actually motivated from this inner desire to blame my parents (or just plain blame) for making me....for raising me a certain way....or not the way I wanted them to....for their unhelpful indoctrinations...for passing on patterns that were difficult for me to move through....I wanted so badly to place the blame on them because I mean who else do we blame for the way our lives are? What am I trying to prove by being unsuccessful and sabotaging any good stuff that comes my way?

Well, NOW I feel that the best way to give BACK to my parents and loved ones what they have given me.....(which now I see as a pretty fantastic set of beliefs to live by if I so choose).....is to choose to go out into the world and be successful.....by being the "me" they created and that "I AM." I saw how much I love my parents for the way they let me explore my creativity....my father believes that music can change the world...he listens to Bob Dylan and Paul Simon...etc....and my mom brought me to my dance classes...she played recorder to me....and they both enjoyed all of my artwork....they both care about children, writing, and sharing with kindness and care. What a beautiful team I created! Even though their relationship didn't move forward after I was born....they were together to create me....to love me...and to pass all of this good stuff on that I couldn't feel when I was stuck in the blame game.

woah....

I'm sure you can relate.....you know....something good comes your way....and you say to yourself inside...
"look ______ I am doing it Despite your un-helpful beliefs about me"....
or you say..."this will make them see how I can succeed without their help".....
or "I'll prove them wrong for not believing I could actually create what I want."

But these types of thoughts and motivations actually taint the good stuff...to me it's a helpful default....because I like to feel that in everyone's heart there is a true discernment that won't let you succeed from a place that is blaming the world. At least.....I personally don't think that is a happy life. Maybe people do succeed in blame....and maybe that's why they are depressed? It's a thought....I told you I'm just going with the flow here....but anyways ~  Being successful only to prove someone else is wrong...and you are right. hmm....there's that right/wrong game.

But isn't this how we all do it? I mean....how righteous are we? Pretty righteous!

"look at me, I did it anyway!" "I am better than that...I am better than you...see!?"

Maybe you don't relate.....but I feel this is a pretty collective thing in our consciousness. We want to succeed so badly but we need to have some sort of motivation or else we pretty much just sit around and wonder what we are supposed to do in life. What about creating deliberately positive motivations? Like being grateful and showing the world what is actually possible?

Well I am so grateful to feel this new perspective about my life and my parents.....I really do want to succeed and show my loved ones that they created a beautiful being with a purpose here on the planet. If I can let go of my past fully....then my attention can be more focused on what's coming next...and how I can help. Being in service by being me....wow. Pretty cool.

We may not be fully out of our right and wrong game yet on this planet...but in these transcendental moments we can each find a gem of insight to rise above and into the vibration that goes beyond our identities.....beyond right and wrong....to that place where we are all source beings learning about life here.....together.

I so encourage everyone to take a look at what is motivating them to be successful....or unsuccessful. What could you be doing that is helpful....or that you actually LOVE to do? It is interesting...but did you ever think that you could serve the planet by simply being HAPPY? Well....you can. Your smile can change the world.....so do the things that make you happy =) Give your happiness with no agenda!

So much to do here yet =) Its a big job being "You" isn't it? Well....here's the shocker.....NO ONE else can be YOU! The visions you hold in your mind will never be seen by anyone else unless you decide that your ideas, your mind, your heart, and your contributions are actually worth it.....and if you don't believe that you are worth it....I'm happy and totally confident in saying YOU ARE.

=) Well ~ now I'll share some photos from the last 24 hours....I've been feeling super happy, grateful, and beautiful from the inside out... enjoying being me. I try to capture these feelings...sooo....All hail to selfies hahaha.

I love you all so much. Please shine that bright light in your heart out to the world....its only yours and yours to shine......and the light in me SO loves the light in you. =) Namaste

with gratitude most of all ~ Laurie

late night creations

sleeping in, good morning selfie

feeling rad and so grateful for my van....

new henna tattoo oooooo

Van shots....I am still amazed....baby eyes every day

 sun is shining...and the ramp isn't broken haha ~ life is good

 

fabric shopping....for my new wheelchair! finding fun things.

feeling my light and willing to share it

Welcoming 2015

New Years Eve.....

I have celebrated this day in many ways and each one uniquely different from the last. Always spent with loved ones and full of setting intentions. Some years were spent dancing the night away, some quietly in the living room of my childhood home throwing hand made confetti over my best friend. There are many I remember....and also many long forgotten.

I don't consider myself very traditional with holidays and rituals but I really love to learn about them....and I respect the inherent purpose behind them. I've been known to create my own holidays or re-create how I choose to celebrate or honor their purpose.

I feel its not only fun, but also important to learn why we celebrate....what we are honoring....and what we are giving and receiving. As I have grown to understand myself more and expanded through many experiences, I have enjoyed creating everything to be more in alignment with who I am, where I am at, and what my priorities are in each present moment.

So.....with that....here is a little excerpt from this unique New Year's Eve.

Painting Again.....infusing the canvas with intention and setting it ablaze with paints....

"The Beginning...."

Deciding to create more ritual in my life....I began the day with lighting a candle to light my way into a bright new year.

Spending a quiet and early morning appreciating all the gifts I share....with my sweet Zephyr by my side.

Feeling incredibly grateful for finding the key within my heart that opened me up to a life spent with others who are choosing to live deliberately, creating a connection between head and heart, quieting the mind, accessing a space of stillness, acting on intentions, "bringing it on", bridging unknowns, integrating desires and resistances, learning to trust myself, loving others with compassion, knowing when to start.....and when to stop, and being ok with the constant work of moving forward through more and more stretches in consciousness. Why look for an end when it's all just beginning? I am one happy Avatar Wizard.

 Letting my creative juices flow through me.....allowing myself to be successful in all I do....and letting my spirit truly shine.

 Sharing an amazing breakfast brunch with my wizard roommie, feeling grateful for living in Florida....eating beautiful local greens and organic local eggs in the middle of winter....wow.

 After a lovely Jamaican curry chicken dinner (wish I had a picture).. and a reminder of how much one can appreciate and be appreciated.....I made it to a bonfire with a small group of many different peeps. Some I knew, some I met.... I set flames to an old journal that had entries written from just days (and even the day right before) I fell out of the tree house in 2011. It was time in my heart to let go of this chapter of  my life. I was overwhelmed then....a mess about how to move forward in my life. One intention I had written did create...and that was to exercise my spiritual muscles. I asked loud and clear...I cried out in my journal for something new. I was ready. Never would I have imagined that my life could change so drastically and so quickly...but it has. There are many gifts. And learning I can be loved again and love myself is definitely one of them. So cheers to moving forward, to letting go, and stepping further into a life you prefer and deliberately wish to create.

 To sharing in the greatest gift one can give.....and contributing to the co-creation of an Enlightened Planetary Civilization.....I am truly blessed.

May we all continue down a path that is unique and true to what we feel love for.  Follow your heart and let your mind help you discern.....we can create better....

I won't give up on practicing this beautiful path of compassion and alignment with the bigger picture. I am so thankful to my teachers out there who remind me of who I am, for the ones who push my buttons and make me feel the things I've "thrown under the rug"..... and for the ones I am yet to meet.

Let's do it.....together.

We can.

=)

I love.

Thank you ~ Laurie

Love, Hope, and Faith

If nothing else, I’m learning to love myself again, to allow that love to come fully into my being. 

The sweetest gift of connection and genuine care. Slowly and gently moving forward into the most beautiful embrace.

My heart opens and more importantly my being-ness relaxes and feels again. 

Feeling hope and faith beyond the fears.... and feeling the love of grace. 

I’m listening and sharing again. 

I have less expectation and more wonderment and excitement for the unknown. 

There may be more yet....but if time stopped here…I am present with it and amazed.

An unshakable faith that we can change our lives, our minds, our stories, our beliefs, our realities….when we are willing to do so. 

Could it get any better? 

Could there be more to grow, more to do, more to become? 

Yes.....and that's all I really need to keep saying.

I am grateful for this gift. 

Thank you.
Thank you.  
Thank you. 

Laurie 

Notes to Self...

hmmm.....I just found an article from March 2013....and have some notes to share

Sometimes the best advice I find comes from myself. =) I totally needed to hear these words today....and I love how "past" information or writings can be brand new....this is the gift of being present. I am sooo grateful to read this and feel how far I have come with tools that help me create even more gratitude for the journey I am on. 
 

From the Article (click here for the full article)
 --- “Trauma is not always sad, it can create connections to bring people to ‘self-recover’ into a new life” is how Laurie Kammer views life today. “Before the accident I felt very disconnected, having lost touch with people I cared about. I was anxious to move forward in my life, I really knew I wanted to help people but I was not sure quite how to do that. The impatience I felt to have it all figured out left me feeling overextended and exhausted. Today I am comfortable in the fact that I am not supposed to know the ‘destination’, only experience the journey, remaining open to the new possibilities that every day brings”

"Laurie knew that if she was to be able to have a full life going forward, she needed to begin to really focus on healing her inner self if in order to facilitate the maximum healing potential for her body. She suspected that she could adopt new ways to experience life: through a prism of non-judgment, a way she felt especially equipped to handle because of her own personal journey, and in turn have more compassion for others. Enrolling in the Avatar course which emphasized preventative care, and the exploration of consciousness through meditative tools to become more present: “I learned I could choose what my life would be vs. being a passive victim of it. I could continuing to stay in negative patterns or choose to shed those old beliefs that were not serving me. When I embraced this way of thinking, I felt self-empowered, and in charge of my own recovery.”---

After reading this I am reminded that forgiveness of self, honesty, gratitude and increasing my self trust are all big parts of how I am able to continue moving forward. We can appreciate ourselves =) My cat Zephyr just came to my side, put her paws up on my wheels and talked to me....perfect timing.

What I was asking for, I received. I wanted to step into a life that was full of purpose, grace, love for others, healing, and true empowerment through spiritual work. I have found this and more. We all have unique ways of getting to the places we want to be and it's up to us to determine the fine details. This is why the work I do now is so important to me...I can see that our intentions drive us forward and that we really can be source of the outcome.

On that note, one of my favorite quotes by Harry Palmer, Author of the Avatar® Materials.... "Love is an expression of the willingness to create space in which something is allowed to change"

Namaste ~ Laurie

My Return to Gathering of the Vibes 2012!

In the summer of 2012,  July 19-22.... I made a return to the festival community with a vending booth I used to work for called "Little Hippie" ~ the owner, Taylor Swope had suggested I could go and that she would somehow make the booth accessible for me and my wheelchair. Well.....that happened!

I spent the weekend in bliss with my old friends and made new friends as well. Despite the challenges that come with spinal cord injury, I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the sweet sounds of festival life. Making hair flair, hula hooping, painting, dancing, helping in the booth, playing ukulele, hanging in hammocks, shopping around, new bands, etc, etc.

To honor this experience I have created a video and would love to invite you all to experience it with me. There are many ways to continue enjoying your life after injury or trauma. I found many pieces of my soul here that were deeply healing for me. I also met someone who significantly changed me in a few sentences...but that I will leave for another story at a future date.

In short....My advice? Life is best lived when you are following your heart and bliss in every moment. Live to your fullest excitement and even when others are wary about your decisions.... learn to use your own heart as the compass for your life. I've made many huge life changing decisions in the past few years and I don't regret a single one.

Is my life a challenge? YES. It is very much so. My day to day consists of things that most people would never think about. I don't blame because I was no different before my injury occurred. I don't feel the need to tell people to learn more about spinal cord injury....unless they want to. I'm just living life from a different perspective right now and the exploration has taught me valuable life lessons. I've gained insights into the importance of life, of compassion, of patience, of gratitude, and of honesty with oneself.

I still have many dreams to achieve and now that I am living my purpose in every way I can....I feel more and more confident in my ABILITY. I am a true evolutionary soul....and I believe we can all create exactly what we want. I use the tools I have and the more I open to not knowing how things will look, the more space I have for things to create. The journey continues.....

AND NOW......the video.... "My Return to Gathering of the Vibes 2012"

My Love and Gratitude,
Laurie
Namaste!

Being afraid of....Myself?!

This morning I had the privilege of working with my mother using an Avatar® exercise called Transparent Beliefs. We both found beliefs that ran deep into many situations we have encountered and now that the light is shed on beliefs creating an experience that was not preferred, we both see how we can create forward from this clearer space.




It was spontaneous but it catalyzed another exploration which I did on my own. I wanted to change being afraid to have what I want....and the belief I found which really surprised me was that "I am afraid of myself" ~ Taking a step back and really seeing how I've lived through this belief sheds so much light on why I haven't fully gone for it in all areas of my life....or why I have but it has been through the filter of being scary. I'm actually a pretty tough cookie and tend to do those things that scare me....but this morning I decided that I didn't want to be scared anymore.



Go figure that the thing I have been most afraid of was myself!


How funny....well.....now I can feel all kinds of new beliefs that I would rather create in order to move smoothly through changes in my life. I don't need to create paralysis in order to motivate me...although it has been that kind of journey! Interesting how something that feels "frozen" is actually what became the "fire" under my fanny! hehe

Why I have always held back in getting what I want has been a mystery to me until I popped this morning's transparent beliefs. The first one I popped was about feeling like I couldn't have it yet.....the belief I found was "I prefer space over having anything." This belief actually created the perception of space being separate from "things"....or more like "anything"

So I have sat in a perception of "space" instead of experiencing anything...whether it is tangible like a car or intangible like falling in love....instead I decided to create "space." How paradoxical! It's such a self-deception that they exist as separate. No wonder people think I'm spaced out sometimes.....I'm deliberately creating that over being anything else! Hahaha Hilarious ~ Again.....it's so funny to look at how we create such interesting situations and learning experiences from the beliefs we hold!

 I enjoy my space I have created....but now I can deliberately decide that I would prefer to enjoy both having space and having what I want! Then I can take it a step further and decide that what I want doesn't have to be something I am afraid of first....and I don't have to be afraid of myself or what I create.

Sure, in the past I may have destroyed and broken things that I labeled as "mine"...meaning that I "Had" them....but I can decide to trust in myself and to "have" things again! It all starts with the present moment....here and now.

I'm so grateful for the Avatar tools this morning....for being able to discover and explore in a light way with my mother and then on my own. For being able to dis-create feelings that came up when I made a new decision, a primary belief "I let go of fear." I was able to create the space I love and then feel how I could let in new life. Deciding that new experiences are fun instead of scary =) That the new me isn't someone I have to be afraid of. I realize I've been sitting around being afraid of someone I "was".....and by doing that I was re-creating "HER" in the present moment. It's all NOW =) SO Grateful for this realization.

Cheers to embracing our journeys, sharing with those we love, enjoying our space and to stepping fully into all that is!

Namaste everyone! With love and gratitude for a shared journey and exploration together, be well! ~ Laurie

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