As I continue to heal myself, I find that the majority of the emotions and thoughts that have accompanied my injury have to do with relationships...to myself, to family, to boys, bestfriends, old and new.....which lead to some interesting discoveries today.
Today I was using the Avatar® tools to process something I would like to create and was surprised by an old unfelt emotion of feeling unworthy. I have thoroughly indoctrinated myself with enough self development books before beginning Avatar to "attempt" believing that this was not actually true....but the FEELINGs were still laying dormant underneath all of the "mind-stuff." It's so amazing to me....to cry and feel something so old and possibly not from this lifetime. Maybe you don't experience past lives, but I tend to find that certain feelings run so deep and are so confusing that it's hard to imagine or perceive its from this life.
I've led a very stable life thus far....there aren't many reasons to believe I'm not worthy, that I'm incapable of achieving great things, or that I am deprived in any sort of way. I have been supported all my life by many. Those of you taking the time to actually read these words are most likely a part of that loving care and I'm so grateful for each and every one of you.
Perhaps I created this feeling of unworthiness simply to experience what others in the world are experiencing in situations that are far worse off than mine. Imagining those who live with tough diseases, hunger, thirst, and violence is so far from my reality that its difficult to feel what that would feel like. But for no real reason at all today....I empathized with that pain...the loss....the suffering. I can cry a river for the heart of this planet and have no apparent "reason" or "logic" as to why. I feel that is a beautiful service to the world...and it grows compassion in my heart.
The reason I love the work I do in consciousness with the Avatar tools is that the mind only gets used deliberately....other wise it takes a back seat to the "I" that is source and beyond the mind, body, and emotions. "I" get to navigate through my consciousness and feel my way through my blueprint and the mass consciousness.
Today it felt as though I touched upon something that runs deep...not just in me but in all of us...maybe its our universal self-deception...the concept that "we are not worthy." I don't know....but it was a powerful emotion to feel.
I find that after getting to the other side, the relief, the relaxation, the coming back to ME feeling....its like Home. You come through to the other side of a scary and uncomfortable feeling and your back at home with you....minus the pain...and with an added layer of love and compassion for those who feel this way on a regular basis but are resisting their experience of it.
This is what I feel about taking steps to bring our dreams to light. Right now, I am excited about many new projects I am beginning as I really settle into living here in Florida now. It's been one of the most exciting transitions of my life...something I did deliberately...not alone, but with my own intention behind it and not someone else's. That doesn't mean there was only support....I felt how uncomfortable some were with my decisions, but it didn't stop me from taking the necessary steps that my heart was guiding me to take. I recognize that my journey truly is about learning to "stand up for myself." =)
This has been such a lesson for me. To truly listen to my heart with my head's discernment. I was always good at living in my heart but was constantly going to others for the discernment part. "Will you be my mind and decide for me?" was my hidden agenda in a lot of my relationships. When I counted on myself to discern, I was making choices that led to danger, the wrong crowd, and lowered energies that were bringing me down. Allowing my intuition to blossom by using the Avatar tools has been priceless to me. I can save myself before I fall now...and if I ever do fall, I have the trust that I'll attract the help I need and that I can get back up again.
We really are amazing creators. This life is such a precious opportunity to experience this...to experience our power....to learn how to evolve ourselves in a deliberate way and lead the way for the future generations who are already being born with such amazing abilities and light.
I honor my path, my journey of painful lessons, of graceful lessons, and of pure joys in experiencing.
I invite you to do the same and to follow your heart. If you would like to share more with me about my journey or feel drawn to the Avatar materials, please leave a message or send me an email. I am happy to share in connection and send my love to you.
email ~ Riseupandflourish@gmail.com
Namaste ~ Laurie
"What is the real work to be done on this planet? It’s to make people more aware, to remind people that their essential nature is a nonviolent spiritual being, and to increase the amount of compassion and cooperation on the planet." — Harry Palmer, author of the Avatar® materials.
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