being Successful...being Me.

 I'm not sure what to write about these days....maybe that's why I haven't blogged in a while. I've had my attention on so many different aspects of my life and also the lives of others...and so much has grown in my personal evolution. I know I have some very dear friends who have enjoyed these posts in the past, so I am just going to share some "in-the-moment" thoughts with you all and thank you so much for your continuous care and compassion for my journey.

Something that has been on my mind recently is being successful. I mean successful in the broad way....it includes being financially stable, being confident, feeling worthy, and pretty much shining inside and out. There are areas in my life where I shine...no doubts about that....but then why haven't I allowed all aspects to be just as great?

Recently my father visited me in Florida at my new apartment. It was the first time I had gotten to spend time with him for more than a day in about 3 years.....crazy! I had the chance to show him my van, drive HIM around....that was certainly a change from 3 years ago =)....and I got to feel that awesome feeling of just being together. We have a cool thing, us two. We love music, we love food, we love people, we love driving, we love markets, etc. We jammed on guitar and ukulele at a cafe....and talked computers.... and relaxed in the moment....etc.....you get the point? We're cool =)

Then after our days together I dropped him off at the airport and it suddenly hit me....I wanted to hold on. It was so amazing that it was almost tragic to have to let go. I felt like every type of person in that moment....a mother, a daughter, a grandma, and brother, the favorite uncle...the wife...you name it....I was feeling all those pains we feel when we have to leave our loved ones or simply allow them to move on.

I was so grateful in that moment because I began exploring the whole creation rather than feeling taken over by it...by using the Avatar tools... I felt through the tough emotions, noticed the thoughts, the feelings, the ideas, all of it.... and I came to this amazing new perspective about my life. I ended up crying tears of gratitude instead of tears of pain. My fears had dissolved into love. To me, this is what transcending really is. These are those moments of enlightenment. When we actually "LIGHTEN UP" ~ we can laugh and shine only 10 minutes after having an experience of complete destruction. ~ I feel that in our day to day lives we are offered so many opportunities to move into a deeper sense of connection and love.

That morning began a whole new life for me.....a life that I could actually feel alive in! This is not uncommon these days since I began working with the Avatar courses....there are moments where you literally feel completely brand new but with this total sense of "I am present with who I am"

The new perspective I found is this. I will try to get it as clear as I can...but for me it is absolutely mind blowing. I realized that most of the self-sabotaging behaviors or creations in my life were actually motivated from this inner desire to blame my parents (or just plain blame) for making me....for raising me a certain way....or not the way I wanted them to....for their unhelpful indoctrinations...for passing on patterns that were difficult for me to move through....I wanted so badly to place the blame on them because I mean who else do we blame for the way our lives are? What am I trying to prove by being unsuccessful and sabotaging any good stuff that comes my way?

Well, NOW I feel that the best way to give BACK to my parents and loved ones what they have given me.....(which now I see as a pretty fantastic set of beliefs to live by if I so choose).....is to choose to go out into the world and be successful.....by being the "me" they created and that "I AM." I saw how much I love my parents for the way they let me explore my creativity....my father believes that music can change the world...he listens to Bob Dylan and Paul Simon...etc....and my mom brought me to my dance classes...she played recorder to me....and they both enjoyed all of my artwork....they both care about children, writing, and sharing with kindness and care. What a beautiful team I created! Even though their relationship didn't move forward after I was born....they were together to create me....to love me...and to pass all of this good stuff on that I couldn't feel when I was stuck in the blame game.

woah....

I'm sure you can relate.....you know....something good comes your way....and you say to yourself inside...
"look ______ I am doing it Despite your un-helpful beliefs about me"....
or you say..."this will make them see how I can succeed without their help".....
or "I'll prove them wrong for not believing I could actually create what I want."

But these types of thoughts and motivations actually taint the good stuff...to me it's a helpful default....because I like to feel that in everyone's heart there is a true discernment that won't let you succeed from a place that is blaming the world. At least.....I personally don't think that is a happy life. Maybe people do succeed in blame....and maybe that's why they are depressed? It's a thought....I told you I'm just going with the flow here....but anyways ~  Being successful only to prove someone else is wrong...and you are right. hmm....there's that right/wrong game.

But isn't this how we all do it? I mean....how righteous are we? Pretty righteous!

"look at me, I did it anyway!" "I am better than that...I am better than you...see!?"

Maybe you don't relate.....but I feel this is a pretty collective thing in our consciousness. We want to succeed so badly but we need to have some sort of motivation or else we pretty much just sit around and wonder what we are supposed to do in life. What about creating deliberately positive motivations? Like being grateful and showing the world what is actually possible?

Well I am so grateful to feel this new perspective about my life and my parents.....I really do want to succeed and show my loved ones that they created a beautiful being with a purpose here on the planet. If I can let go of my past fully....then my attention can be more focused on what's coming next...and how I can help. Being in service by being me....wow. Pretty cool.

We may not be fully out of our right and wrong game yet on this planet...but in these transcendental moments we can each find a gem of insight to rise above and into the vibration that goes beyond our identities.....beyond right and wrong....to that place where we are all source beings learning about life here.....together.

I so encourage everyone to take a look at what is motivating them to be successful....or unsuccessful. What could you be doing that is helpful....or that you actually LOVE to do? It is interesting...but did you ever think that you could serve the planet by simply being HAPPY? Well....you can. Your smile can change the world.....so do the things that make you happy =) Give your happiness with no agenda!

So much to do here yet =) Its a big job being "You" isn't it? Well....here's the shocker.....NO ONE else can be YOU! The visions you hold in your mind will never be seen by anyone else unless you decide that your ideas, your mind, your heart, and your contributions are actually worth it.....and if you don't believe that you are worth it....I'm happy and totally confident in saying YOU ARE.

=) Well ~ now I'll share some photos from the last 24 hours....I've been feeling super happy, grateful, and beautiful from the inside out... enjoying being me. I try to capture these feelings...sooo....All hail to selfies hahaha.

I love you all so much. Please shine that bright light in your heart out to the world....its only yours and yours to shine......and the light in me SO loves the light in you. =) Namaste

with gratitude most of all ~ Laurie

late night creations

sleeping in, good morning selfie

feeling rad and so grateful for my van....

new henna tattoo oooooo

Van shots....I am still amazed....baby eyes every day

 sun is shining...and the ramp isn't broken haha ~ life is good

 

fabric shopping....for my new wheelchair! finding fun things.

feeling my light and willing to share it

Welcoming 2015

New Years Eve.....

I have celebrated this day in many ways and each one uniquely different from the last. Always spent with loved ones and full of setting intentions. Some years were spent dancing the night away, some quietly in the living room of my childhood home throwing hand made confetti over my best friend. There are many I remember....and also many long forgotten.

I don't consider myself very traditional with holidays and rituals but I really love to learn about them....and I respect the inherent purpose behind them. I've been known to create my own holidays or re-create how I choose to celebrate or honor their purpose.

I feel its not only fun, but also important to learn why we celebrate....what we are honoring....and what we are giving and receiving. As I have grown to understand myself more and expanded through many experiences, I have enjoyed creating everything to be more in alignment with who I am, where I am at, and what my priorities are in each present moment.

So.....with that....here is a little excerpt from this unique New Year's Eve.

Painting Again.....infusing the canvas with intention and setting it ablaze with paints....

"The Beginning...."

Deciding to create more ritual in my life....I began the day with lighting a candle to light my way into a bright new year.

Spending a quiet and early morning appreciating all the gifts I share....with my sweet Zephyr by my side.

Feeling incredibly grateful for finding the key within my heart that opened me up to a life spent with others who are choosing to live deliberately, creating a connection between head and heart, quieting the mind, accessing a space of stillness, acting on intentions, "bringing it on", bridging unknowns, integrating desires and resistances, learning to trust myself, loving others with compassion, knowing when to start.....and when to stop, and being ok with the constant work of moving forward through more and more stretches in consciousness. Why look for an end when it's all just beginning? I am one happy Avatar Wizard.

 Letting my creative juices flow through me.....allowing myself to be successful in all I do....and letting my spirit truly shine.

 Sharing an amazing breakfast brunch with my wizard roommie, feeling grateful for living in Florida....eating beautiful local greens and organic local eggs in the middle of winter....wow.

 After a lovely Jamaican curry chicken dinner (wish I had a picture).. and a reminder of how much one can appreciate and be appreciated.....I made it to a bonfire with a small group of many different peeps. Some I knew, some I met.... I set flames to an old journal that had entries written from just days (and even the day right before) I fell out of the tree house in 2011. It was time in my heart to let go of this chapter of  my life. I was overwhelmed then....a mess about how to move forward in my life. One intention I had written did create...and that was to exercise my spiritual muscles. I asked loud and clear...I cried out in my journal for something new. I was ready. Never would I have imagined that my life could change so drastically and so quickly...but it has. There are many gifts. And learning I can be loved again and love myself is definitely one of them. So cheers to moving forward, to letting go, and stepping further into a life you prefer and deliberately wish to create.

 To sharing in the greatest gift one can give.....and contributing to the co-creation of an Enlightened Planetary Civilization.....I am truly blessed.

May we all continue down a path that is unique and true to what we feel love for.  Follow your heart and let your mind help you discern.....we can create better....

I won't give up on practicing this beautiful path of compassion and alignment with the bigger picture. I am so thankful to my teachers out there who remind me of who I am, for the ones who push my buttons and make me feel the things I've "thrown under the rug"..... and for the ones I am yet to meet.

Let's do it.....together.

We can.

=)

I love.

Thank you ~ Laurie

Love, Hope, and Faith

If nothing else, I’m learning to love myself again, to allow that love to come fully into my being. 

The sweetest gift of connection and genuine care. Slowly and gently moving forward into the most beautiful embrace.

My heart opens and more importantly my being-ness relaxes and feels again. 

Feeling hope and faith beyond the fears.... and feeling the love of grace. 

I’m listening and sharing again. 

I have less expectation and more wonderment and excitement for the unknown. 

There may be more yet....but if time stopped here…I am present with it and amazed.

An unshakable faith that we can change our lives, our minds, our stories, our beliefs, our realities….when we are willing to do so. 

Could it get any better? 

Could there be more to grow, more to do, more to become? 

Yes.....and that's all I really need to keep saying.

I am grateful for this gift. 

Thank you.
Thank you.  
Thank you. 

Laurie 

Notes to Self...

hmmm.....I just found an article from March 2013....and have some notes to share

Sometimes the best advice I find comes from myself. =) I totally needed to hear these words today....and I love how "past" information or writings can be brand new....this is the gift of being present. I am sooo grateful to read this and feel how far I have come with tools that help me create even more gratitude for the journey I am on. 
 

From the Article (click here for the full article)
 --- “Trauma is not always sad, it can create connections to bring people to ‘self-recover’ into a new life” is how Laurie Kammer views life today. “Before the accident I felt very disconnected, having lost touch with people I cared about. I was anxious to move forward in my life, I really knew I wanted to help people but I was not sure quite how to do that. The impatience I felt to have it all figured out left me feeling overextended and exhausted. Today I am comfortable in the fact that I am not supposed to know the ‘destination’, only experience the journey, remaining open to the new possibilities that every day brings”

"Laurie knew that if she was to be able to have a full life going forward, she needed to begin to really focus on healing her inner self if in order to facilitate the maximum healing potential for her body. She suspected that she could adopt new ways to experience life: through a prism of non-judgment, a way she felt especially equipped to handle because of her own personal journey, and in turn have more compassion for others. Enrolling in the Avatar course which emphasized preventative care, and the exploration of consciousness through meditative tools to become more present: “I learned I could choose what my life would be vs. being a passive victim of it. I could continuing to stay in negative patterns or choose to shed those old beliefs that were not serving me. When I embraced this way of thinking, I felt self-empowered, and in charge of my own recovery.”---

After reading this I am reminded that forgiveness of self, honesty, gratitude and increasing my self trust are all big parts of how I am able to continue moving forward. We can appreciate ourselves =) My cat Zephyr just came to my side, put her paws up on my wheels and talked to me....perfect timing.

What I was asking for, I received. I wanted to step into a life that was full of purpose, grace, love for others, healing, and true empowerment through spiritual work. I have found this and more. We all have unique ways of getting to the places we want to be and it's up to us to determine the fine details. This is why the work I do now is so important to me...I can see that our intentions drive us forward and that we really can be source of the outcome.

On that note, one of my favorite quotes by Harry Palmer, Author of the Avatar® Materials.... "Love is an expression of the willingness to create space in which something is allowed to change"

Namaste ~ Laurie

My Return to Gathering of the Vibes 2012!

In the summer of 2012,  July 19-22.... I made a return to the festival community with a vending booth I used to work for called "Little Hippie" ~ the owner, Taylor Swope had suggested I could go and that she would somehow make the booth accessible for me and my wheelchair. Well.....that happened!

I spent the weekend in bliss with my old friends and made new friends as well. Despite the challenges that come with spinal cord injury, I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the sweet sounds of festival life. Making hair flair, hula hooping, painting, dancing, helping in the booth, playing ukulele, hanging in hammocks, shopping around, new bands, etc, etc.

To honor this experience I have created a video and would love to invite you all to experience it with me. There are many ways to continue enjoying your life after injury or trauma. I found many pieces of my soul here that were deeply healing for me. I also met someone who significantly changed me in a few sentences...but that I will leave for another story at a future date.

In short....My advice? Life is best lived when you are following your heart and bliss in every moment. Live to your fullest excitement and even when others are wary about your decisions.... learn to use your own heart as the compass for your life. I've made many huge life changing decisions in the past few years and I don't regret a single one.

Is my life a challenge? YES. It is very much so. My day to day consists of things that most people would never think about. I don't blame because I was no different before my injury occurred. I don't feel the need to tell people to learn more about spinal cord injury....unless they want to. I'm just living life from a different perspective right now and the exploration has taught me valuable life lessons. I've gained insights into the importance of life, of compassion, of patience, of gratitude, and of honesty with oneself.

I still have many dreams to achieve and now that I am living my purpose in every way I can....I feel more and more confident in my ABILITY. I am a true evolutionary soul....and I believe we can all create exactly what we want. I use the tools I have and the more I open to not knowing how things will look, the more space I have for things to create. The journey continues.....

AND NOW......the video.... "My Return to Gathering of the Vibes 2012"

My Love and Gratitude,
Laurie
Namaste!

Being afraid of....Myself?!

This morning I had the privilege of working with my mother using an Avatar® exercise called Transparent Beliefs. We both found beliefs that ran deep into many situations we have encountered and now that the light is shed on beliefs creating an experience that was not preferred, we both see how we can create forward from this clearer space.




It was spontaneous but it catalyzed another exploration which I did on my own. I wanted to change being afraid to have what I want....and the belief I found which really surprised me was that "I am afraid of myself" ~ Taking a step back and really seeing how I've lived through this belief sheds so much light on why I haven't fully gone for it in all areas of my life....or why I have but it has been through the filter of being scary. I'm actually a pretty tough cookie and tend to do those things that scare me....but this morning I decided that I didn't want to be scared anymore.



Go figure that the thing I have been most afraid of was myself!


How funny....well.....now I can feel all kinds of new beliefs that I would rather create in order to move smoothly through changes in my life. I don't need to create paralysis in order to motivate me...although it has been that kind of journey! Interesting how something that feels "frozen" is actually what became the "fire" under my fanny! hehe

Why I have always held back in getting what I want has been a mystery to me until I popped this morning's transparent beliefs. The first one I popped was about feeling like I couldn't have it yet.....the belief I found was "I prefer space over having anything." This belief actually created the perception of space being separate from "things"....or more like "anything"

So I have sat in a perception of "space" instead of experiencing anything...whether it is tangible like a car or intangible like falling in love....instead I decided to create "space." How paradoxical! It's such a self-deception that they exist as separate. No wonder people think I'm spaced out sometimes.....I'm deliberately creating that over being anything else! Hahaha Hilarious ~ Again.....it's so funny to look at how we create such interesting situations and learning experiences from the beliefs we hold!

 I enjoy my space I have created....but now I can deliberately decide that I would prefer to enjoy both having space and having what I want! Then I can take it a step further and decide that what I want doesn't have to be something I am afraid of first....and I don't have to be afraid of myself or what I create.

Sure, in the past I may have destroyed and broken things that I labeled as "mine"...meaning that I "Had" them....but I can decide to trust in myself and to "have" things again! It all starts with the present moment....here and now.

I'm so grateful for the Avatar tools this morning....for being able to discover and explore in a light way with my mother and then on my own. For being able to dis-create feelings that came up when I made a new decision, a primary belief "I let go of fear." I was able to create the space I love and then feel how I could let in new life. Deciding that new experiences are fun instead of scary =) That the new me isn't someone I have to be afraid of. I realize I've been sitting around being afraid of someone I "was".....and by doing that I was re-creating "HER" in the present moment. It's all NOW =) SO Grateful for this realization.

Cheers to embracing our journeys, sharing with those we love, enjoying our space and to stepping fully into all that is!

Namaste everyone! With love and gratitude for a shared journey and exploration together, be well! ~ Laurie

Avatar® is a registered trademark of Star's Edge, Inc. All rights reserved.

Taking the steps and learning to stand

"By taking steps to bring our dreams to light, we can rise up as the natural creators we really are" - Laurie Kammer

As I continue to heal myself, I find that the majority of the emotions and thoughts that have accompanied my injury have to do with relationships...to myself, to family, to boys, bestfriends, old and new.....which lead to some interesting discoveries today.

Today I was using the Avatar® tools to process something I would like to create and was surprised by an old unfelt emotion of feeling unworthy. I have thoroughly indoctrinated myself with enough self development books before beginning Avatar to "attempt" believing that this was not actually true....but the FEELINGs were still laying dormant underneath all of the "mind-stuff." It's so amazing to me....to cry and feel something so old and possibly not from this lifetime. Maybe you don't experience past lives, but I tend to find that certain feelings run so deep and are so confusing that it's hard to imagine or perceive its from this life.

I've led a very stable life thus far....there aren't many reasons to believe I'm not worthy, that I'm incapable of achieving great things, or that I am deprived in any sort of way. I have been supported all my life by many. Those of you taking the time to actually read these words are most likely a part of that loving care and I'm so grateful for each and every one of you.

Perhaps I created this feeling of unworthiness simply to experience what others in the world are experiencing in situations that are far worse off than mine. Imagining those who live with tough diseases, hunger, thirst, and violence is so far from my reality that its difficult to feel what that would feel like. But for no real reason at all today....I empathized with that pain...the loss....the suffering. I can cry a river for the heart of this planet and have no apparent "reason" or "logic" as to why. I feel that is a beautiful service to the world...and it grows compassion in my heart.

The reason I love the work I do in consciousness with the Avatar tools is that the mind only gets used deliberately....other wise it takes a back seat to the "I" that is source and beyond the mind, body, and emotions. "I" get to navigate through my consciousness and feel my way through my blueprint and the mass consciousness.

Today it felt as though I touched upon something that runs deep...not just in me but in all of us...maybe its our universal self-deception...the concept that "we are not worthy." I don't know....but it was a powerful emotion to feel.

I find that after getting to the other side, the relief, the relaxation, the coming back to ME feeling....its like Home. You come through to the other side of a scary and uncomfortable feeling and your back at home with you....minus the pain...and with an added layer of love and compassion for those who feel this way on a regular basis but are resisting their experience of it.

This is what I feel about taking steps to bring our dreams to light. Right now, I am excited about many new projects I am beginning as I really settle into living here in Florida now. It's been one of the most exciting transitions of my life...something I did deliberately...not alone, but with my own intention behind it and not someone else's. That doesn't mean there was only support....I felt how uncomfortable some were with my decisions, but it didn't stop me from taking the necessary steps that my heart was guiding me to take. I recognize that my journey truly is about learning to "stand up for myself." =)

This has been such a lesson for me. To truly listen to my heart with my head's discernment. I was always good at living in my heart but was constantly going to others for the discernment part. "Will you be my mind and decide for me?" was my hidden agenda in a lot of my relationships. When I counted on myself to discern, I was making choices that led to danger, the wrong crowd, and lowered energies that were bringing me down. Allowing my intuition to blossom by using the Avatar tools has been priceless to me. I can save myself before I fall now...and if I ever do fall, I have the trust that I'll attract the help I need and that I can get back up again.

We really are amazing creators. This life is such a precious opportunity to experience this...to experience our power....to learn how to evolve ourselves in a deliberate way and lead the way for the future generations who are already being born with such amazing abilities and light.

I honor my path, my journey of painful lessons, of graceful lessons, and of pure joys in experiencing.

I invite you to do the same and to follow your heart. If you would like to share more with me about my journey or feel drawn to the Avatar materials, please leave a message or send me an email. I am happy to share in connection and send my love to you.

email ~ Riseupandflourish@gmail.com

Namaste ~ Laurie

"What is the real work to be done on this planet? It’s to make people more aware, to remind people that their essential nature is a nonviolent spiritual being, and to increase the amount of compassion and cooperation on the planet." — Harry Palmer, author of the Avatar® materials.

Avatar® is a registered trademark of Star's Edge, Inc. All rights reserved.