I just finished having an exhausting and very interesting conversation with Cristina...It started with a liver cleanse...we were both reading about drinking olive oil and epsom salts, and enemas..ick..which led to talking about if our bodies really need all that or if it would be just as good to fast and drink water for a day....followed of course by some Massive amounts of Kale..yum. Before moving here, I was on a detox mission...I was drinking lemon water every morning, eating grapefruit, organic apples..blah blah...and did a couple 3 day detoxes that were not awful..eating organic, dandelion tea...some other stuff. Anyway, I still got excited any time I learned something was detoxing...artichokes, avocados...etc...and this soon became an obsession. Cristina asked me what that was really all about on an emotional level...and my answer was...I feel like I have swallowed lots of yucky situations and I never really digested them...it's like, maybe if I power-hose them, they'll go away. hahaha....woah, ok I clearly have some stuff to talk about here. So we went to my most recent relationship...which looked something like this...
intense admiration... flirt....look at me I am so great, you're so beautiful, we MUst have a spiritual connection, no commitment...but "I love you", ok, so are we committed now?, No....oh!...ok...well what is this all about?...um, what am I supposed to do now?...I guess I'll move on...the end.
In hindsight, I can see where I was giving away my power...not clearly defining my boundaries....and not being truthful about what I wanted. Over time, I had rationalized all of my anger and guilt and sadness to be all my fault. It's no wonder I have so much "cleansing" to do. Cristina pointed out something so truthful about the way I treat those "negative" emotions...when it comes to the kids, I simply express...when it comes to my family...I can identify an emotion towards them...like anger at my mom or dad...but when it comes to "boyfriends" or "friends".. I rationalize my way into believing they are really a good person. Woahhh. haha...DUh..yea that's what I do! anyway. this whole "emotional maturity" mission is going to be yet another baby step journey....starting with the 5 year old that lives beneath all of those "toxins" inside me...the one who is screaming.... "Don't leave me!" "Why don't you love me?" "Look at me!" "Listen to me!"....blah blah! It's time for me to have a little heart to heart with my wounded child that is responsible for my emotional Immaturity. I'm sure there will be more on this to come...
=) As for yoga...I'm really really enjoying the way I feel on the mat when I am just allowing my body to flow...I also led a short yoga session with my neighbor, who is 13...she is really enjoying corpse pose (of course)..when I make up or read visualizations. Today I improvised one about an enchanted forest and a butterfly fairy creature that offered a pendant of transformation for us to carry so that we are always ready for change. Today's goddess card was Artemis.."ourselves and our loved ones are safe and protected." Today's affirmation while in a chest opening pose was "I am open to receive all of the good and abundance the universe has to offer" It was so nice to repeat this mantra with her...I am feeling abundant already!
So, all in all, another day in the life...Neena is still sick, Kai is most likely going to be sick tomorrow despite the efforts, and I am SOooo ready for a bath.. yet another cleansing ritual..salts and sage...for the lovely goddess...ahhhh yes =)
Sweet Dreams! Namaste! Love Love loveeeeeee
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