Being afraid of....Myself?!

This morning I had the privilege of working with my mother using an Avatar® exercise called Transparent Beliefs. We both found beliefs that ran deep into many situations we have encountered and now that the light is shed on beliefs creating an experience that was not preferred, we both see how we can create forward from this clearer space.




It was spontaneous but it catalyzed another exploration which I did on my own. I wanted to change being afraid to have what I want....and the belief I found which really surprised me was that "I am afraid of myself" ~ Taking a step back and really seeing how I've lived through this belief sheds so much light on why I haven't fully gone for it in all areas of my life....or why I have but it has been through the filter of being scary. I'm actually a pretty tough cookie and tend to do those things that scare me....but this morning I decided that I didn't want to be scared anymore.



Go figure that the thing I have been most afraid of was myself!


How funny....well.....now I can feel all kinds of new beliefs that I would rather create in order to move smoothly through changes in my life. I don't need to create paralysis in order to motivate me...although it has been that kind of journey! Interesting how something that feels "frozen" is actually what became the "fire" under my fanny! hehe

Why I have always held back in getting what I want has been a mystery to me until I popped this morning's transparent beliefs. The first one I popped was about feeling like I couldn't have it yet.....the belief I found was "I prefer space over having anything." This belief actually created the perception of space being separate from "things"....or more like "anything"

So I have sat in a perception of "space" instead of experiencing anything...whether it is tangible like a car or intangible like falling in love....instead I decided to create "space." How paradoxical! It's such a self-deception that they exist as separate. No wonder people think I'm spaced out sometimes.....I'm deliberately creating that over being anything else! Hahaha Hilarious ~ Again.....it's so funny to look at how we create such interesting situations and learning experiences from the beliefs we hold!

 I enjoy my space I have created....but now I can deliberately decide that I would prefer to enjoy both having space and having what I want! Then I can take it a step further and decide that what I want doesn't have to be something I am afraid of first....and I don't have to be afraid of myself or what I create.

Sure, in the past I may have destroyed and broken things that I labeled as "mine"...meaning that I "Had" them....but I can decide to trust in myself and to "have" things again! It all starts with the present moment....here and now.

I'm so grateful for the Avatar tools this morning....for being able to discover and explore in a light way with my mother and then on my own. For being able to dis-create feelings that came up when I made a new decision, a primary belief "I let go of fear." I was able to create the space I love and then feel how I could let in new life. Deciding that new experiences are fun instead of scary =) That the new me isn't someone I have to be afraid of. I realize I've been sitting around being afraid of someone I "was".....and by doing that I was re-creating "HER" in the present moment. It's all NOW =) SO Grateful for this realization.

Cheers to embracing our journeys, sharing with those we love, enjoying our space and to stepping fully into all that is!

Namaste everyone! With love and gratitude for a shared journey and exploration together, be well! ~ Laurie

Avatar® is a registered trademark of Star's Edge, Inc. All rights reserved.

Taking the steps and learning to stand

"By taking steps to bring our dreams to light, we can rise up as the natural creators we really are" - Laurie Kammer

As I continue to heal myself, I find that the majority of the emotions and thoughts that have accompanied my injury have to do with relationships...to myself, to family, to boys, bestfriends, old and new.....which lead to some interesting discoveries today.

Today I was using the Avatar® tools to process something I would like to create and was surprised by an old unfelt emotion of feeling unworthy. I have thoroughly indoctrinated myself with enough self development books before beginning Avatar to "attempt" believing that this was not actually true....but the FEELINGs were still laying dormant underneath all of the "mind-stuff." It's so amazing to me....to cry and feel something so old and possibly not from this lifetime. Maybe you don't experience past lives, but I tend to find that certain feelings run so deep and are so confusing that it's hard to imagine or perceive its from this life.

I've led a very stable life thus far....there aren't many reasons to believe I'm not worthy, that I'm incapable of achieving great things, or that I am deprived in any sort of way. I have been supported all my life by many. Those of you taking the time to actually read these words are most likely a part of that loving care and I'm so grateful for each and every one of you.

Perhaps I created this feeling of unworthiness simply to experience what others in the world are experiencing in situations that are far worse off than mine. Imagining those who live with tough diseases, hunger, thirst, and violence is so far from my reality that its difficult to feel what that would feel like. But for no real reason at all today....I empathized with that pain...the loss....the suffering. I can cry a river for the heart of this planet and have no apparent "reason" or "logic" as to why. I feel that is a beautiful service to the world...and it grows compassion in my heart.

The reason I love the work I do in consciousness with the Avatar tools is that the mind only gets used deliberately....other wise it takes a back seat to the "I" that is source and beyond the mind, body, and emotions. "I" get to navigate through my consciousness and feel my way through my blueprint and the mass consciousness.

Today it felt as though I touched upon something that runs deep...not just in me but in all of us...maybe its our universal self-deception...the concept that "we are not worthy." I don't know....but it was a powerful emotion to feel.

I find that after getting to the other side, the relief, the relaxation, the coming back to ME feeling....its like Home. You come through to the other side of a scary and uncomfortable feeling and your back at home with you....minus the pain...and with an added layer of love and compassion for those who feel this way on a regular basis but are resisting their experience of it.

This is what I feel about taking steps to bring our dreams to light. Right now, I am excited about many new projects I am beginning as I really settle into living here in Florida now. It's been one of the most exciting transitions of my life...something I did deliberately...not alone, but with my own intention behind it and not someone else's. That doesn't mean there was only support....I felt how uncomfortable some were with my decisions, but it didn't stop me from taking the necessary steps that my heart was guiding me to take. I recognize that my journey truly is about learning to "stand up for myself." =)

This has been such a lesson for me. To truly listen to my heart with my head's discernment. I was always good at living in my heart but was constantly going to others for the discernment part. "Will you be my mind and decide for me?" was my hidden agenda in a lot of my relationships. When I counted on myself to discern, I was making choices that led to danger, the wrong crowd, and lowered energies that were bringing me down. Allowing my intuition to blossom by using the Avatar tools has been priceless to me. I can save myself before I fall now...and if I ever do fall, I have the trust that I'll attract the help I need and that I can get back up again.

We really are amazing creators. This life is such a precious opportunity to experience this...to experience our power....to learn how to evolve ourselves in a deliberate way and lead the way for the future generations who are already being born with such amazing abilities and light.

I honor my path, my journey of painful lessons, of graceful lessons, and of pure joys in experiencing.

I invite you to do the same and to follow your heart. If you would like to share more with me about my journey or feel drawn to the Avatar materials, please leave a message or send me an email. I am happy to share in connection and send my love to you.

email ~ Riseupandflourish@gmail.com

Namaste ~ Laurie

"What is the real work to be done on this planet? It’s to make people more aware, to remind people that their essential nature is a nonviolent spiritual being, and to increase the amount of compassion and cooperation on the planet." — Harry Palmer, author of the Avatar® materials.

Avatar® is a registered trademark of Star's Edge, Inc. All rights reserved.

Letting it in

I've had a lot of attention on letting go lately....

 but what about Letting it IN?

 What is it that truly stops me from letting in all that is? When I receive a compliment, a gift, a message, etc...what indicates that I am letting it in or not?

The question here comes from a feeling I had as a child every time I had to open a gift in front of others...I always wished it didn’t have to be a show for everyone to watch. I wanted to receive in private. Interesting huh? It was actually embarrassing to receive any credit in front of others. So at a young age, I was already playing the “I’m not good enough to let this in” game. Maybe there was an intuition that there was more to life than material...but I don’t really know so I’m just exploring it a bit.

There are many ways to look at this game we play with ourselves. Perhaps it was from an early childhood experience, perhaps past lives, maybe an indoctrination passed on to me from family or friends. Who knows really...I just felt really squirmy and did a lot of self-monitoring to make sure I at least looked thankful. I was so wrapped up in the show of receiving that I forgot to “feel” thankful. It’s amazing how the act of monitoring can shut me off from feeling real in the moment.

I had expectations on myself about how others wanted me to look while receiving, how I am supposed to act and so on....hmm...What beliefs are really there that made this all so weird!

I’ve been exploring so much of my squirmy and uncomfortable parts...and I continue to come out the other side with a renewed sense of self. What I can really feel is the biggest difference between who I am now and who I “was” is that this new me can feel. Maybe I still have resistance to something I am feeling...but now I can even feel the resistance! It’s amazing....everything has a form to feel, every belief and idea I have held about receiving is something I can now explore by feeling them and experiencing what my life has been up to this point. I can even decide to feel before experiencing....something I had no idea I was able to do until I did Avatar®. Awakening to the tools that have helped me truly experience all aspects of me and life =) What a gift.

I can’t say I’m fully through the fears of receiving...but I am seeing more and more the value and gift of letting it in. I can feel the sadness, the pain, the profaning of love that I create when I tell myself I’m not good enough....it invalidates humanity. Taking personal responsibility for my own fear of letting it in...not placing it on my environment, my parents, etc...has been a journey.

When I think of healing and letting it in, I can see how overcoming this challenge is going to allow me to truly move forward. What is it that I am keeping out anyway? My own ability to receive...its an ability....a gift...a real gift I get to give myself. “I” am the one waiting like everyone in the room....for myself to open the gift I am trying to give....to Me! I can feel my higher self just waiting patiently, tolerantly, and lovingly for me to really let it in.

I can honestly say I am more compassionate about this part of me that feels dis-abled. Exploring myself fully....Where have I felt disabled or handicap in my life before creating the handicap symbol into my life? Where was I already disconnecting from receiving a message I was trying to send myself? I ask this because the nervous system and the spinal cord are our communication systems...they are the way that the brain and body communicate....but what activates this system? Is it my attention? my spirit? my higher self? What makes me think that I cannot be in control of this intricate system I am living in.

I can choose to feel trapped by the current disconnection...or I can get curious and start learning, extrapolating, and making some new choices. It’s my paradigm shift...and hopefully as I shift...so will the world around me.

Perhaps I can let in the disconnection first...it’s been waiting just as patiently for me to address its needs. Maybe all it needs is a little tissue...a glass of water...and some encouragement before it feels ready to get back out there and be a receiver again. If it’s all “me”....then why not let it in?

Now that....I can let in =)

Namaste, Laurie

Avatar® is a registered trademark of Star's Edge, Inc. All rights reserved.