So I'm back in the flow...I've been healthy for a couple weeks and back on the yoga mat. Amazing how much my body had to stretch to get back into a comfortable down dog. Today I had about an hour long session...I'm loving on warrior poses, tree, and eagle pose....shavasana always takes the number 1 though. I'm working on strengthening my self in all aspects and I'm noticing how reluctant I can still be in surrendering to what's here and now. I find myself lost in thought or wondering "why?" rather than sitting still and saying "yes." This is how I surrender..... I simply have to say "yes" ~ I can't explain the release I had today when I allowed myself to sit quiet in my gut and out of my loud mind. And in my opinion, the best releases come with tears.
I'm currently going through a time in my life where I am defining me as an individual....unique and complete as a whole person...without an identity that is attached to anyone else. This has caused me to set a new boundary with a member in my family who I have not yet detached from. I feel that this is only the beginning of our healing...and that it will ultimately transform all of my (and our) relationships. I've had to deal with feelings of guilt, anger, frustration, and deep hurt...but after today I feel that I am taking a strong step into my authenticity. I have always had trouble speaking up for myself, asking for what I want, feeling that it's ok to have needs...and straight up feeling I'm worth having a healthy relationship with others. Well, it's definitely time to goddess up...and dance with Kali.
I can feel myself changing and I am noticing my subtle energies much more. Last night I sat in meditation and moved energy around in my hands...remembering that I always have access to this energy...and I can make a conscious choice to move it through me...to cleanse and clear away anything that isn't serving me or wasn't mine to begin with. I felt it surge through my hand...out and down back to the earth. Something I've learned over and over is that we are capable of picking up other peoples "shit"....especially women...and if we don't cleanse ourselves everyday then it will build up and cause illness of mind body spirit....so sage, salt baths, and exercise are some tools I use...and qigong ~ moving the energy back into the earth...allowing more light in ~
Each day seems to bring important insights, information, and conversations that are co-creating a shift in me and all around me. I still yearn to feel that I am expressing all of my truths, that I am honoring my purpose and moving forward. But instead of questioning, I am learning to just trust the now...and be here. The image at the top...standing with open arms on the ocean shore...is exactly the visualization I have been holding for attracting love into my life...because it's about time I stopped running or giving too much of myself...and it's about time I sat back, opened my arms, and said "Yes."
From the beloved Yogi Bajan....
Realize that it doesn’t take much. Only one sun is enough to light up our entire universe. All we need is one woman, one soul, to be the one star that enlightens this Earth with the Truth.
© The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, July 21, 1982
Sat Nam ~ Blessings of love and light