Saying "Yes"

So I'm back in the flow...I've been healthy for a couple weeks and back on the yoga mat. Amazing how much my body had to stretch to get back into a comfortable down dog. Today I had about an hour long session...I'm loving on warrior poses, tree, and eagle pose....shavasana always takes the number 1 though. I'm working on strengthening my self in all aspects and I'm noticing how reluctant I can still be in surrendering to what's here and now. I find myself lost in thought or wondering "why?" rather than sitting still and saying "yes." This is how I surrender..... I simply have to say "yes" ~ I can't explain the release I had today when I allowed myself to sit quiet in my gut and out of my loud mind. And in my opinion, the best releases come with tears.

I'm currently going through a time in my life where I am defining me as an individual....unique and complete as a whole person...without an identity that is attached to anyone else. This has caused me to set a new boundary with a member in my family who I have not yet detached from. I feel that this is only the beginning of our healing...and that it will ultimately transform all of my (and our) relationships. I've had to deal with feelings of guilt, anger, frustration, and deep hurt...but after today I feel that I am taking a strong step into my authenticity. I have always had trouble speaking up for myself, asking for what I want, feeling that it's ok to have needs...and straight up feeling I'm worth having a healthy relationship with others. Well, it's definitely time to goddess up...and dance with Kali.

I can feel myself changing and I am noticing my subtle energies much more. Last night I sat in meditation and moved energy around in my hands...remembering that I always have access to this energy...and I can make a conscious choice to move it through me...to cleanse and clear away anything that isn't serving me or wasn't mine to begin with. I felt it surge through my hand...out and down back to the earth. Something I've learned over and over is that we are capable of picking up other peoples "shit"....especially women...and if we don't cleanse ourselves everyday then it will build up and cause illness of mind body spirit....so sage, salt baths, and exercise are some tools I use...and qigong ~ moving the energy back into the earth...allowing more light in ~

Each day seems to bring important insights, information, and conversations that are co-creating a shift in me and all around me. I still yearn to feel that I am expressing all of my truths, that I am honoring my purpose and moving forward. But instead of questioning, I am learning to just trust the now...and be here. The image at the top...standing with open arms on the ocean shore...is exactly the visualization I have been holding for attracting love into my life...because it's about time I stopped running or giving too much of myself...and it's about time I sat back, opened my arms, and said "Yes."

From the beloved Yogi Bajan....

March 26, 2011

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Realize that it doesn’t take much. Only one sun is enough to light up our entire universe. All we need is one woman, one soul, to be the one star that enlightens this Earth with the Truth.

© The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, July 21, 1982

Sat Nam ~ Blessings of love and light

Heart Healing

"Heart Prayer for the Planet" ~ created in Illustrator, March 2011, by Laurie Elizabeth

This past Saturday, I returned from FL to the NJ airport earlier than the rest of my family. I had found a table to sit at with my computer....3 minutes later a beautiful man came and sat across from me. My normal reaction would be.."oh great, am I entering an uncomfortable situation? Is this safe? should I give him money...etc. But I was surprisingly calm and open. He told me he was homeless, a poet, and had schizophrenia. He asked me to give him a subject and he would create a poem for me. I said Yes...I'd like a poem about trees. He started like this... "It begins as a seed..." and went from there into a beautiful, flowing poem all about the sacredness of the tree...it's importance to our lives and our earth. As he spoke, I found myself floating in time and space....it was so surreal. I can almost hear the mother inside me saying..."Ah, that was not safe, or avoid these situations" But I followed my instinct and had complete trust that this was a special moment. He asked if I was a poet...I told him about my artwork and songwriting...he told me he liked my "colors"...I gave him a couple bucks I had and then he moved on. It was a swift meeting...with a moment of connection. Regardless of whether he was genuine or not...I feel everyone deserves the right to be heard, and I was glad to be listening.

I want to share the art piece that I began on this day after receiving the gift of poetry while waiting in the airport.... just finished tonight. It's my heart prayer for the planet...Enjoy! Love and blessings to you all. Good night!

Passion

The Glorious Passion Flower..

Alex Grey

Andy Goldsworthy

David Nash

I am sitting by myself right now in an extremely beautiful cafe...there are 3 very aesthetically pleasing rooms to lounge in...a veranda...and art classrooms with colorful and expressive paintings around...complete with a young man playing his guitar with passion. I've got my Cabernet house wine and a glass of water, my computer and free wi fi...and a florida sunset. I had a moment this evening. A moment of such truth in my personal passion that I was brought to tears. I was looking around me at the paintings on the wall...all abstract and colorful and I thought of how excited I am to paint again when I am in my Art Therapy program this fall. I repeated to myself...wow I'm so excited...and then I was so deeply moved by how much I LOVE expressing myself through the visual arts....especially through color and abstract lines and movements. I was touched by my inner passion. It took me over with such joy and excitement! I thought of how art connects to the community. I though of how perhaps one day I can use my artwork to help others...to heal.

One of my favorite artists, Alex Grey, talks about a study done on how a movie like "The Exorcist" can deplete your nervous system to an unhealthy level. Based on this study, Alex Grey is forever inspired by the ability of the visual arts to heal...he calls his artwork, Sacred Art. I too am deeply passionate about the healing ability of the arts. My music, graphic designs, sculptures, and yoga are all based on healing and a connection to the sacredness of life. One of my recent visions of sculpting with natural materials....mud, grass, sticks, rocks, crystals...brings this healing to our earth. Two more of my favorite sculptors...David Nash and Andy Goldsworthy, create sculptures spontaneously and organically with earth materials, out in nature...it is ethereal art....it is like building a sand castle on the shore, only to watch it be slowly washed out to sea with the coming tide. This artwork is also so sacred to me. Allowing oneself to create, or CO-Create, with the earth and with the flow of the land....manifesting something beautiful with what is free and available and organic....and not being attached....giving your creation back to the land. This is a true cycle of creation. These works of art now exist in beautiful photographs...I highly suggest checking them out.

Either way....I really felt my passion today....I felt moved and inspired and extremely excited to be me....to be connected to the work that I am personally meant to bring to others. I know I have taken my time to figure things out. I know I have not followed that "timeline" that some others my age are on....you know....graduate college, get a "real" big salary job, get married, buy a house...and so on. Now, some people are ready for those things....but No, that wasn't for me. I've always been committed to working a job that is aligned with my passions...and living the life I have always envisioned...and that is filled with passion. I know that this means I will be performing, sculpting, designing, and dancing.....connecting with others, traveling, and marveling at the world around me....touching others and loving the light that exists within everyone.

A spontaneous poem.....on passion....

"Passion"

Peachy, plump, prestigious,
my passion is religious.
Proud, profound, and perfect
my passion is concurrent...
with joy, with love, with laughter
and alllll the ever after.
A unicorn to guide me
and wings to fly me freely.
My passion brings me higher
I can breath in creatively.
My roots, my soul, my song
empowering the "wrong."
I feel my passion in the silence
I feel my passion in the violence
My passion is my feeling
My passion is my healing..

Namaste ~ Sat Nam ~ Peace, Love, and Passionate Blessings all over this world.

I urge us all to think about what we are most passionate about...to connect with the beam of light that makes us most fulfilled and happy to be who we Authentically are. Connect with this light and send it out into the world...send it to your loved ones, and send it to Japan. Heal our earth. Thank you!

Going deep

It's been 3 straight weeks of sickness...my niece, nephew, sister, then me....and it has made me slow down more than ever. First off....I want to apologize for my arrogant comments to those of you who ever heard me say..."I don't get sick." Well, I didn't USED to get sick...haha. This never ending chest cold has taught me a thing or two in the last month.

I find it interesting that after 21 days of yoga and meditation, I get a sickness that reminds me of my childhood. I keep feeling like I'm coughing up all of the gunk that's been stuck in my heart (lungs) for years! I've even shed some light on a few very personal issues that were buried deep inside.....

I had an exercise assignment for my "emotional maturity" quest I'm on with my sister. She asked me to write a stream of consciousness on any emotion as if it were coming from my inner 5 year old. What I wrote down on that page turned into a deep and meaningful realization of why I have so many problems expressing my emotions, allowing myself to feel them, and trusting others. When I heard myself admit that I had been holding onto the limiting belief that it is not safe to become close to others because they will not care about my emotions....or they won't believe me....or they will think I am being dramatic....I began to cry. I was admitting out loud that I was afraid to get too close to anyone and that it is actually unsafe for me to do so. I looked deep into my sister's eyes and cried....knowing that I am completely safe now and it is time to let this go.

Situations in my childhood caused me to create these beliefs that my emotions didn't matter because no one cared....that I wasn't telling the truth when I said I was sick or upset....I won't give specifics...but I allowed others to control me from very young age. I played victim when others were mad at me...claiming that it wasn't my fault. I was afraid that if I expressed my "negative" emotions that I would lose a relationship. At first this was my best friends, then it turned into my boyfriends...and now I've been single for almost 3 years.

Just last week, I had to call out sick to work and I kept having this thought that my boss did not believe me. I figured it had to be true because the feeling was so strong in me. Well, now I know that this pattern was so engrained that it is still causing me to feel that my "truths" are not accepted by others. My inner 5 year old is still screaming..."Believe me!" "Hear me!"

Wow.

So, rather than beginning a new 21 day adventure...I've been sick while caring for my sick niece and nephew....still singing as best I can, reading the same 2 books over and over, enjoying my standing poses because I can't put my head below my knees, and continuing on this journey that is taking me deeper and deeper. I've learned a lesson in humility. And I've only begun to have that much needed heart to heart with my inner 5 year old.

Namaste and blessings to you all. With love.....

Little North Korean Girl Playing Guitar 北朝鮮少女のギター演奏

What's in a Name?

What is in a name? My answer is ~ energy (shocking, I know!). Names, letters, words....they all carry vibration. Names have meanings....some names are cute sounding, some old sounding, some kinda doofy sounding, and some sophisticated. About a month ago, I was looking at my name, Laurie Kammer, listed among other classmate's names in my online course. I caught myself thinking the following....

"Everyone must think I'm young" "My name stands out like a 5 yr old amongst adults" "Does this mean I think of myself as a little girl?" "Wow, is that really how I feel about myself?, despite all the work I've been doing to "grow up?"

....I proceeded to bring up this self realization with my brother and sister and that's when I decided to try going by my middle name, Elizabeth. Energetically....Elizabeth feels beautiful and womanly instead of "cute" and "little." I never really spent time saying it before, but I think Elizabeth has a beautiful sound to it. As far as meanings go...and this is funny....Laurie means "crowned with Laurel" (Flower CHild?! haha) and Elizabeth means "Daughter of God or Vow of God" (GODDESS!).

I'm not saying that I'm not Laurie anymore...or that I didn't enjoy being Laurie..I just wasn't feeling it. Well, synchronistically, I happened to shift into my Elizabeth self just in time to begin my "21 days of devotion" ~ how about that? Around that same time I was surfing a Kundalini yoga website and found a link that said "Get your Spiritual Name," so I clicked on it and "Puranpreet" is what I received. Instead of adopting this name at this time in my life, I feel it is serving a nice purpose as my blog title...there to guide me toward that destiny of wholeness within myself =)

Anyway, if you are wondering what to call me, no worries. I'm still Laurie. Only now I am aware of my inner Elizabeth. and I like the way they sound together ~ XO

With Love ~ Laurie Elizabeth