It was spontaneous but it catalyzed another exploration which I did on my own. I wanted to change being afraid to have what I want....and the belief I found which really surprised me was that "I am afraid of myself" ~ Taking a step back and really seeing how I've lived through this belief sheds so much light on why I haven't fully gone for it in all areas of my life....or why I have but it has been through the filter of being scary. I'm actually a pretty tough cookie and tend to do those things that scare me....but this morning I decided that I didn't want to be scared anymore.
Go figure that the thing I have been most afraid of was myself!
How funny....well.....now I can feel all kinds of new beliefs that I would rather create in order to move smoothly through changes in my life. I don't need to create paralysis in order to motivate me...although it has been that kind of journey! Interesting how something that feels "frozen" is actually what became the "fire" under my fanny! hehe
Why I have always held back in getting what I want has been a mystery to me until I popped this morning's transparent beliefs. The first one I popped was about feeling like I couldn't have it yet.....the belief I found was "I prefer space over having anything." This belief actually created the perception of space being separate from "things"....or more like "anything"
So I have sat in a perception of "space" instead of experiencing anything...whether it is tangible like a car or intangible like falling in love....instead I decided to create "space." How paradoxical! It's such a self-deception that they exist as separate. No wonder people think I'm spaced out sometimes.....I'm deliberately creating that over being anything else! Hahaha Hilarious ~ Again.....it's so funny to look at how we create such interesting situations and learning experiences from the beliefs we hold!
I enjoy my space I have created....but now I can deliberately decide that I would prefer to enjoy both having space and having what I want! Then I can take it a step further and decide that what I want doesn't have to be something I am afraid of first....and I don't have to be afraid of myself or what I create.
Sure, in the past I may have destroyed and broken things that I labeled as "mine"...meaning that I "Had" them....but I can decide to trust in myself and to "have" things again! It all starts with the present moment....here and now.
I'm so grateful for the Avatar tools this morning....for being able to discover and explore in a light way with my mother and then on my own. For being able to dis-create feelings that came up when I made a new decision, a primary belief "I let go of fear." I was able to create the space I love and then feel how I could let in new life. Deciding that new experiences are fun instead of scary =) That the new me isn't someone I have to be afraid of. I realize I've been sitting around being afraid of someone I "was".....and by doing that I was re-creating "HER" in the present moment. It's all NOW =) SO Grateful for this realization.
Cheers to embracing our journeys, sharing with those we love, enjoying our space and to stepping fully into all that is!
Namaste everyone! With love and gratitude for a shared journey and exploration together, be well! ~ Laurie
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