Saturday, May 3, 2014

Letting it in

I've had a lot of attention on letting go lately....
 but what about Letting it IN?

 What is it that truly stops me from letting in all that is? When I receive a compliment, a gift, a message, etc...what indicates that I am letting it in or not?

The question here comes from a feeling I had as a child every time I had to open a gift in front of others...I always wished it didn’t have to be a show for everyone to watch. I wanted to receive in private. Interesting huh? It was actually embarrassing to receive any credit in front of others. So at a young age, I was already playing the “I’m not good enough to let this in” game. Maybe there was an intuition that there was more to life than material...but I don’t really know so I’m just exploring it a bit.

There are many ways to look at this game we play with ourselves. Perhaps it was from an early childhood experience, perhaps past lives, maybe an indoctrination passed on to me from family or friends. Who knows really...I just felt really squirmy and did a lot of self-monitoring to make sure I at least looked thankful. I was so wrapped up in the show of receiving that I forgot to “feel” thankful. It’s amazing how the act of monitoring can shut me off from feeling real in the moment.

I had expectations on myself about how others wanted me to look while receiving, how I am supposed to act and so on....hmm...What beliefs are really there that made this all so weird!

I’ve been exploring so much of my squirmy and uncomfortable parts...and I continue to come out the other side with a renewed sense of self. What I can really feel is the biggest difference between who I am now and who I “was” is that this new me can feel. Maybe I still have resistance to something I am feeling...but now I can even feel the resistance! It’s amazing....everything has a form to feel, every belief and idea I have held about receiving is something I can now explore by feeling them and experiencing what my life has been up to this point. I can even decide to feel before experiencing....something I had no idea I was able to do until I did Avatar®. Awakening to the tools that have helped me truly experience all aspects of me and life =) What a gift.

I can’t say I’m fully through the fears of receiving...but I am seeing more and more the value and gift of letting it in. I can feel the sadness, the pain, the profaning of love that I create when I tell myself I’m not good invalidates humanity. Taking personal responsibility for my own fear of letting it in...not placing it on my environment, my parents, etc...has been a journey.

When I think of healing and letting it in, I can see how overcoming this challenge is going to allow me to truly move forward. What is it that I am keeping out anyway? My own ability to receive...its an ability....a gift...a real gift I get to give myself. “I” am the one waiting like everyone in the room....for myself to open the gift I am trying to Me! I can feel my higher self just waiting patiently, tolerantly, and lovingly for me to really let it in.

I can honestly say I am more compassionate about this part of me that feels dis-abled. Exploring myself fully....Where have I felt disabled or handicap in my life before creating the handicap symbol into my life? Where was I already disconnecting from receiving a message I was trying to send myself? I ask this because the nervous system and the spinal cord are our communication systems...they are the way that the brain and body communicate....but what activates this system? Is it my attention? my spirit? my higher self? What makes me think that I cannot be in control of this intricate system I am living in.
I can choose to feel trapped by the current disconnection...or I can get curious and start learning, extrapolating, and making some new choices. It’s my paradigm shift...and hopefully as I will the world around me.
Perhaps I can let in the disconnection’s been waiting just as patiently for me to address its needs. Maybe all it needs is a little tissue...a glass of water...and some encouragement before it feels ready to get back out there and be a receiver again. If it’s all “me”....then why not let it in?

Now that....I can let in =)

Namaste, Laurie

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