Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The "Matter"

What really matters?

What a question for my mind and heart.....they both have such different responses!

My mind likes to look at the logistics of survival, the approval of audiences, the millions of problems to solve before I can RELAX. Then my heart jumps in and says only is all that need to look at the problems....just be love. What an interesting back and forth to side of me saying everything is wrong...and the other saying everything is alright. WOw....exhausted anyone?

So what really matters?

First off, perhaps what really matters is that I can be aware enough to notice the difference between living in my head and living in my heart. Before taking Avatar® I felt as though I was operating inside one or the other. In front of some people, I made sure I was being logical...then in front of others, I spilled love all over the place with absolutely no awareness of things that may be dangerous (this is how I ultimately injured myself). What matters to me in this moment is that I do have that awareness to notice...I still feel myself bouncing back and forth sometimes but the balance is so much easier to find and the journey is an enjoyable one.

What is the matter anyway?

The matter I’m speaking of here is the blank canvas of’s something that I create. I can create so quickly that something is “the matter” and just as quickly say that there is no “matter” unless I choose there to be. What a concept! for this exploration let’s say that the matter I am speaking of right now is “Life”

What really matters in regards to LIFE?

Well, now that I can use discernment of head and heart becoming an integrated system, I have been able to look at life from angles and perspectives I was unable to access before. I had only read about the concept of a multidimensional universe...or a multi-verse as they say on the NOVA channel. All the fascinations about dimensions, quantum physics...all of that was only something I “knew” about. The beauty I feel now is the experience of LIVING ~ recognizing the many aspects of each unique presence, being, space, moment, energy ~~~ recognizing the radiating life force that we each carry a piece of.

The most amazing experience I have started to have happens when the pieces connect with a reverent and wordless appreciation. I can honestly say that I thought I had to be “all heart” in order to experience love...but this heart centered awareness that I feel now comes from an integrated sense of being. My whole self can be included...I don’t have to leave my mind and body out....I can include all aspects of “me” and radiate this with others. It’s truly a gift to experience. I thank the Avatar tools for helping me create a grounded existence that feels itself as source. Being source while inhabiting a body and using a old spiritual identity did not believe this could be possible. Perhaps it was too many lives living as a meditating yogi who spent all their time outside of the body....but this concept of living as source while connected to my body feels new to me. It is a true gift.

Before my injury, I visualized being as deeply grounded in the earth as I could be. I would imagine myself to be the energy exchange between the tip of the deepest root of a tree and the soil in which it was supported. I wanted to BE the energy exchange from root tip to soil and as I lay in bed falling asleep, I would pray to be this grounded.

Although this visualization is beautiful, I didn’t have tools to handle what I was really experiencing and feeling. I was feeling completely dis-connected from my body, especially my lower body, and the earth. I felt I was completely “out-there” and knew that if I wanted to stabilize myself, I needed to get “real” somehow. I prayed, I journaled, I did qi gong, yoga, dance, meditation, blogging....I sought out healers to help me heal something I didn’t understand ~ which was that I felt I was missing my own ability to connect with myself.

I am in the healing process now of creating my own root system that no longer exists in my imagination but is within the beauty of my biological being. My body’s healing is a physical expression of the emotions, the beliefs, the fears, and the dreams that I have been wanting to create for a long time....maybe longer that I can truly conceive of with my current mind. The process I am going through consists of exploring my blueprint, digging deep, owning my creations, taking personal responsibility....controlling my attention, increasing my willpower....all with a compassionate heart’s appreciation, a discerning mind, and strong support system. Every step is truly a blessing....

I have attracted high vibes, beautiful healers, amazing stories, incredible role models, and the most amazing tools to help me create my intentions. Now that I am well on my way, I have been able to create the space, time, and energy to spend helping others. With every being I assist in taking control of their own life, I also integrate something in my least this has been my experience. I remember reading about this when I was exploring healers and their work....always they felt that they were receiving with each healing they gave. It’s a win-win. hmm....Maybe.....just maybe we could live in that kind of a world! What would it take? I am willing....I’ll do whatever it takes.

The heart of the matter...

In this moment, we are moving forward...whether we are choosing to be an active part in that process or letting others be the drivers for now...that’s what it feels like. The earth continues to spin, suns rise and set, moons wax and wane, animals hibernate and do the plants, trees, and bees. Life grows, recycles, and grows again. It’s beautiful to feel this constant movement of the planet and it’s life and learning how to dance with it is possible. I used to be afraid to “step out” onto the stage we call “life”....but if not Me, then Who? And if not Now, then When?

What matters to you?

I invite you to take a look today. Put your explorers cap on and enjoy what you discover =)

Namaste, Laurie

At the Avatar Wizards Course, February 2014

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