Day 19 ~ Music is Magic

Before you begin, I am an incredible rambler....so bear with me! =)

My life has been a musical since I was a child...there is no possible way I could write it all down in a blog....but I am so incredibly grateful to music. I began singing and playing instruments like the "music maker," an awesome stringed instrument that looked like a children's version of the hammered dulcimer, when I was a toddler. I absolutely loved the children's musicians, John McCutchen (I found out recently, he played a lot of woody guthrie songs) and Raffi! I also have a dad who used to play Blues Brothers and Jimmy Cliff for me..so I grew up a fan of many different styles. I remember seeing Jimmy Cliff in California when I was seven years old...the bar allowed my dad to bring my brother and I and I was one happy girl...dancing on the table and singing along. I picked up instruments quickly..and was eager to learn more...playing flute, recorder, pan flute, penny whistle, harmonica, piano, even some dulcimer in elementary music class. When chorus was an option in 5th grade, I was excited to join and was singing harmony as an alto...I stuck with chorus and band through middle school...then just stayed in chorus in high school. I remember idolizing the older kids who sang in the "really good" groups, like concert choir and chamber choir..but by the time I was a senior, I had moved up to chamber and surprised myself. My friend and I had begun playing guitar and writing songs with harmony...all about love and heatbreak of course....our dream was to travel and sing...and we performed a few times here and there, even recording 2 cd's. College years came and I had been slowly getting more and more into classic rock, jam bands, blues, bluegrass, and more. I kept playing guitar, took as many music classes as I could, and got a Music Minor.

Then Music Festivals came into my life! WHOAH...that is a whole other blog...but it was such a beautiful experience...to be camping, listening to music, and connecting with so many others like myself...just beautiful people everywhere. I eventually came to work at these festivals through a chain of events that led me to 3 years of selling Grateful Dead family clothing...mostly babies and toddlers. Being in this environment opened me up to a world of new perspectives on who I was, how I connected to others, the joy of spontaneity, the excitements of travel, and a strong sense of community, plus the music I was now exposed to was just amazing. This experience awakened the girl inside that was ready to be set free....she's fun, expressive, determined, strong, passionate, and extremely flaired out! Although this awakening led me to leave a very long relationship that I was holding onto for dear life...many gifts came from the split. It wasn't your typical breakup....we both wanted the other to have certain things, we wrote loving messages to each other...expressing our respect for one another...it was just not typical. I was about to turn 24, and he wanted to give me a birthday present anyway...and that's how I got my ukulele.

I spent my next year learning songs and writing my own...jamming with my dad and others...and absolutely loving this gift. I got together with 2 girlfriends and we performed as a trio..."Ginger Tea" with many raving about our unique cover songs. It felt SO good to perform...especially with 2 talented women. As soon as I moved in with my brother and his family, my brother began recording my songs. Again, the dream of performing came back...except the audience I now envisioned was families. Lo and Behold....My niece's speech therapist suggested I look into being a Music Together teacher, and voila!....3 months after moving to new jersey, I was teaching music classes to babies and toddlers with their parents. And here I am, today I taught 2 Music Together classes...I get to sing, play instruments, lead rhythm patterns, tonal patterns, educate parents on musical terms, and practice spontaneity within community. Children require you to think quickly on how to re-direct the energy to either keep them interested, or empower them from an otherwise "BAd behavior." Music helps me guide my niece and nephew to clean up, eat food, change clothes, take a bath...walk down the stairs....do yoga...everything is easier when you make it a song!

I am so excited to see where Music brings me next...my dream is to eventually become and world musician...traveling and collaborating...learning new languages, rhythms, strumming patterns....

ahhhhh.....

Namaste! May your world be filled with music ~ love

You can check out my music at these sites....
http://www.youtube.com/user/OneFunkyFeather?feature=mhum
http://www.reverbnation.com/funkyfeather

18 - Goddess

"Goddess Pose" ~ Created in Illustrator by Laurie Elizabeth, 2010

Tonight I pulled some goddess cards, and this is my reading...4 cards and the various meanings of each.

What is happening now~the light of my current situation: Eireen ~ greek goddess of peace ~ "give your cares and worries to heaven, pray, meditate, engage in peace-enhancing activities such as yoga, sea-salt baths, massage, naps, music, playfulness, and the like"

I can check off everything on this list as far as this week goes haha =) The obvious card...

What is happening now~the shadow of the situation: Sedna ~ Inuit and Alaskan goddess of the sea ~ "don't worry about the future, know that you'll always have enough to eat, your needs will always be provided for, spend time at the ocean, swim with dolphins, move to the beach or an island community, go swimming, sailing, or surfing, give time or money to a cause that protects the ocean"

This one is interesting...she is all about the balance of giving and receiving. I feel like I have been subconsciously worrying about my future move and the possible struggle of living on my own. I am deeply in love with the ocean and often fantasize of living near a beach and wearing only sarongs...walking around barefoot...sounds like a honeymoon right?

What can I actively do right now?: Maeve ~ Celtic goddess who celebrates her femininity ~ "female cycle changes are an issue for you, make time to rest, initiate steps to alleviate lethargy or depression, take better care of your body, seek support for dealing with emotional crises, allow yourself to grieve or take time off, know this lull won't last forever, a doorway of opportunity has opened up, and you need to walk through it now."

This card describes a lot of things I have already dealt with in the last year, however in my current situation I feel that taking some time off (out of the house!) and trusting that my most emotional month of the year is soon ending...Feb gets me...more sunshine please!...I am also working a lot on connecting with my emotional body. As for opportunities...I'm open and ready!

What needs to be experienced? Nemetona ~ Celtic goddess whose name means "sacred grove" because she protects the ancient Celtic ceremonial sites, outdoors in sacred groves of trees. ~ "Build an altar in your home, take a spiritually oriented trip, you need a quiet place of refuge and retreat for yourself, create a medicine circle or labyrinth..walk the labyrinth, clear the energy in your home with sage, prayer, toning, or other space clearing methods."

So this one is obvious...I need to experience the alter that is already within me...but what I also find interesting is that today, when I lay down to take a nap, I had this incredible vision of a sculpture. I've been glimpsing it on nights when I am laying with Kai or Neena to put them to bed...and as soon as I am totally with it, I realize they are asleep. So the vision is a sculpture of a tree....but its not made out of clay...its a different more organic...muddy...gritty....yet sturdy material...and its one of those sexy goddessy beautiful trees...=).....and today I saw the tree I had been sculpting in previous visions....but this time I had woven reeds into a spiraling staircase starting at the base of the trunk and gradually thinning out with the tips of the branches....there are also bubble shaped "nests" or "homes" woven into the branches....with reeds first, then covered in a translucent white paper...kinda like a glowing fairy home..haha....so anyway, I saw this and was like ahhhh...just so relaxed and almost asleep...and I heard the words..."The steps of an Avatar" in my mind. I feel this is a place I can go...in deep visualization...to my own inner sanctuary which happens to be a sacred grove...and I am excited to create this vision...in whatever way it wants to be created. When I was at Kripalu for my goddess weekend, I remember her telling us that trees were avatars....that an avatar was an enlightened being...the definition I have on my mac dictionary is this..."a manifestation of a deity or released soul in bodily form on earth; an incarnate divine teacher." Super cooool....at least to me. =)

Brings me back to this day in July....lovin on the goddess...



Blessings and Love ~ peace....oh shanti shanti shanti...oh shanti shanti shanti

Day 17 ~ Wish list

Tonight I'm simply going to put my list out there...the things I wish for myself...right here right now...(yet another ramble)

I wish for my healing so that I may heal others (these pictures are so inspiring). I wish to co-create with others in my community. I wish to have more intimate and evolved relationships in my life. I wish for a graceful transition into grad school. I wish to live with like minded people. I wish to continue learning, and to continue teaching. I wish for clarity and purpose. I wish for a job that nurtures my gifts and abilities....or at least surrounds me with beautiful things (there are so many gem and mineral shops in santa fe, I'd love that part timer....). I wish for love to find me always.

yea....I'm one big feather...but no matter what manifests in my life, I'm determined to move forward with those dear friends of mine...acceptance and forgiveness. Most of all, I am open to receive...and I let go of trying to control my future...I simply allow it to bestow itself upon me. I trust the natural rhythm of life, the ebb and flow of it...I welcome the challenges and I refuse to get stuck in the mud. I used to think, well...if it's meant to be, then it will happen, or the universe will bring it to me...but I was not a part of the action. I was extremely passive...all around, a pretty passive person. I was also extremely stubborn when change came knocking on my door...refusing to turn back on my word or promises I had made despite the huge signs telling me to MOVE ON (or move out!). I've been consciously working on my assertiveness and I know life will continue to test me. I'd like to say I'm ready for the tests but in all honesty, I'm still scared... however the fear is motivating me to continue this self work that I feel is so important in these times. Thus I say with passion, onward! I'm ready to evolve. How about you?

Love and Blessings always ~ Namaste

Day 16 ~ Cleanse

I just finished having an exhausting and very interesting conversation with Cristina...It started with a liver cleanse...we were both reading about drinking olive oil and epsom salts, and enemas..ick..which led to talking about if our bodies really need all that or if it would be just as good to fast and drink water for a day....followed of course by some Massive amounts of Kale..yum. Before moving here, I was on a detox mission...I was drinking lemon water every morning, eating grapefruit, organic apples..blah blah...and did a couple 3 day detoxes that were not awful..eating organic, dandelion tea...some other stuff. Anyway, I still got excited any time I learned something was detoxing...artichokes, avocados...etc...and this soon became an obsession. Cristina asked me what that was really all about on an emotional level...and my answer was...I feel like I have swallowed lots of yucky situations and I never really digested them...it's like, maybe if I power-hose them, they'll go away. hahaha....woah, ok I clearly have some stuff to talk about here. So we went to my most recent relationship...which looked something like this...

intense admiration... flirt....look at me I am so great, you're so beautiful, we MUst have a spiritual connection, no commitment...but "I love you", ok, so are we committed now?, No....oh!...ok...well what is this all about?...um, what am I supposed to do now?...I guess I'll move on...the end.

In hindsight, I can see where I was giving away my power...not clearly defining my boundaries....and not being truthful about what I wanted. Over time, I had rationalized all of my anger and guilt and sadness to be all my fault. It's no wonder I have so much "cleansing" to do. Cristina pointed out something so truthful about the way I treat those "negative" emotions...when it comes to the kids, I simply express...when it comes to my family...I can identify an emotion towards them...like anger at my mom or dad...but when it comes to "boyfriends" or "friends".. I rationalize my way into believing they are really a good person. Woahhh. haha...DUh..yea that's what I do! anyway. this whole "emotional maturity" mission is going to be yet another baby step journey....starting with the 5 year old that lives beneath all of those "toxins" inside me...the one who is screaming.... "Don't leave me!" "Why don't you love me?" "Look at me!" "Listen to me!"....blah blah! It's time for me to have a little heart to heart with my wounded child that is responsible for my emotional Immaturity. I'm sure there will be more on this to come...

=) As for yoga...I'm really really enjoying the way I feel on the mat when I am just allowing my body to flow...I also led a short yoga session with my neighbor, who is 13...she is really enjoying corpse pose (of course)..when I make up or read visualizations. Today I improvised one about an enchanted forest and a butterfly fairy creature that offered a pendant of transformation for us to carry so that we are always ready for change. Today's goddess card was Artemis.."ourselves and our loved ones are safe and protected." Today's affirmation while in a chest opening pose was "I am open to receive all of the good and abundance the universe has to offer" It was so nice to repeat this mantra with her...I am feeling abundant already!

So, all in all, another day in the life...Neena is still sick, Kai is most likely going to be sick tomorrow despite the efforts, and I am SOooo ready for a bath.. yet another cleansing ritual..salts and sage...for the lovely goddess...ahhhh yes =)

Sweet Dreams! Namaste! Love Love loveeeeeee

A Day in the life ~ 15

wow, 15 days in...it is so amazing how the simple act of saying "I'm committed" can change your daily life. Before starting the "21 days of devotion" I Reaaaally wanted to do yoga more and take more time to myself, but I saw no way in doing that...I don't live in a quiet, meditative ashram...no one has their own room...we are a full-time TRIBE.....and there just didn't seem to be enough time in the day. Well, in a true tribe, everyone works together, filling in at just the right moment with a helping hand. Plus, the universe always supports you when you make a commitment.....=)
And so, a day in the life...

I am gently awakened at 5 Am from the (master) bedroom where Jon and Neena sleep in the king bed and I in a twin next to them, to go sleep in the other room with Kai (who sleeps in the bed...no crib just yet). I get comfortable, fall asleep, wake up when he does, give him a bottle, go back to sleep....then we're up around 8. Today my niece was super sick...I mean it was this non-stop cough with the occasional t-h-r-o (throw up) as we say...we are bound to be pretty grumpy in these conditions... I get Kai his breakfast while neena watches her favorite show, the cat in the hat. Then I spend about an hour trying to make her smile by attempting to juggle...they both are cracking up at me and I was so intensely into it, I was getting a work out running all around the room. Kai went down for a nap around 11:30, Jon and I took turns getting clean...Neena and I listened to her favorite mix cd (made by me of course haha)...we danced around, she makes me smile because she loves the beatles "yellow submarine and all you need is love" sooo much.....we marched and even ran back and forth until she started non stop coughing again. Kai woke up, had beans and quinoa, another bottle, then I took him for a walk...then I took Neena for a walk..thank you sun!!! my brother and I continue to switch back and forth attempting to keep Kai un-sick....me obsessively wiping everything down...Jon giving Neena baths....it's a delicate dance. I throw on a Michael Jackson cd....Neena loves...we boogie down, she's laughing..it is precious and wonderful since she is looking so miserably sick. More coughing, then Cristina gets her yoga in while I hang out with Kai on my lap and Neena in her chair watching all our favorite music videos on youtube....Cristina comes in to take over while I get an hour of yoga...I listen to a teleseminar while doing my own flow...then it's time for dinner...butternut squash lentil soup...yummmmm, I speak briefly with my sister about "emotional maturity"....I ask her to help me =)....then I get Kai ready for bed...lay with him until he falls asleep, tuck him in...do the dishes, and thennn blog. whewwwww

Family life is non-stop...there is always something to do...so it is very easy to play victim when it comes to taking the time for yourself. I am incredibly grateful to live with 2 people who know how to make things happen, and are supportive of others and their decisions. My sister has been such a great teacher in showing me how to create boundaries, set personal goals, create a working plan to achieve those goals, and really commit to what I say or believe. I was recently told by an arts therapist in a reading that authenticity is very important to me...that I am inspired by it...it has really made me think about that truth...authenticity IS important to me...extremely important. Well, I know I am not living my authentic self in all aspects...certainly in my home life, but not sure I am quite there yet when I am out presenting myself in the general public or job life.
I am just coming into my truths...but this is a wonderful word to affirm for myself..."I am my authentic self" There is this sense of power behind it that provides the security, the confidence, and the "emotional maturity" I so long for when I feel myself giving that power away.

Love Love love.....Blessings ~ Sat Nam

Day 14 ~ Pain Body

Today I was blessed to receive a myofascial treatment from a family friend...she has been a big part of my healing in the past year. For those who have never heard of Myofascial....here's a quick definition and picture: http://www.myofascialrelease.com/fascia_massage/public/whatis_myofascial_release.asp

this is what I find most fascinating about this type of bodywork...
"Fascia is a specialized system of the body that has an appearance similar to a spider's web or a sweater. Fascia is very densely woven, covering and interpenetrating every muscle, bone, nerve, artery and vein, as well as, all of our internal organs including the heart, lungs, brain and spinal cord. The most interesting aspect of the fascial system is that it is not just a system of separate coverings. It is actually one continuous structure that exists from head to toe without interruption. In this way you can begin to see that each part of the entire body is connected to every other part by the fascia, like the yarn in a sweater.
Trauma, inflammatory responses, and/or surgical procedures create Myofascial restrictions that can produce tensile pressures of approximately 2,000 pounds per square inch on pain sensitive it is thought that an extremely high percentage of people suffering with pain and/or lack of motion may be having fascial problems, but most go undiagnosed."

Before moving to New Jersey, I had been complaining about a variety of body issues, emotional problems, and pain that I was not connected to...I prayed for healing and asked for it every night. I was lost from purpose, sad because I had so much so realease, and extremely anxious to move forward. I knew that if I wanted to heal others I first had to heal myself and at the time, I was not sure where to begin....and was certainly not willing to wait around for that much longer...=) When I moved to New Jersey, I had to leave my comfort...of parents, close friends, my bedroom, my home....and soon came to shed my old car, old clothes, old habits (some!), financial problems, even the way I ate had to shift. Today, as I lay on the table during the session, I thought...how could there be that much pain in my rib bones, my hip bones, my stomach muscles? I am feeling better than I have in a long time, I am aware of the process, and I committed to moving my body every day...and yet my pain body is still with me....lingering and reminding me that I have not gone deep enough...there are more shadows to be revealed and faced. The frustration is a struggle...and the emotions that are locked in those parts of my body have been suppressed and bottled up for so many years, that I have trouble connecting to whatever it is I am releasing when I finally let go of the pain. I am so grateful for the many healings I have received this year...from acupuncture, body work, energy healing, and more....my intentions have manifested, slowly revealing the healthy and strong woman within me. I choose to move forward, accepting myself where I am now, respecting the process, and trusting the natural flow of life...Namaste.

Day 13 ~ Let it go

I'm working on letting many aspects of my "old self" go....the beliefs, the physical pain, the obsessive memories, etc. I'm not energized enough to write more on this but I did manage to create a mandala tonight in illustrator while listening to a conference on the very subject of letting go....and so here you go! Love Love Love....Namaste and Blessings

Letting Go ~ Created in Illustrator, Feb. 20, 2011 by Laurie Elizabeth