Day 3

"Tree Pod" by Laurie Kammer November 2011

1) I am grateful for the ability to re-connect. I was brushing my teeth and thinking about the nice visit I had with a friend and gifted healer and it led me to thinking about how I have re-connected with many others in this past year. Re-connecting gives me a feeling of warmth...nostalgic memories arise and a "newness" develops. I feel the changes within myself when I am able to catch up with others I haven't seen or talked to in a while. This really gives me gratitude as a paraplegic...because this healing is allll about re-connecting on multiple levels.

2) I am grateful for my standing frame. This device helps me stand and gives me support by locking my knees and slinging around my butt so I don't collapse back into my chair. I feel enabled, empowered, and aligned.

3) I am grateful for our nanny....she comes and watches my niece and nephew a few days a week. Before my injury I was the nanny...the live in nanny =) Those kids are such a huge part of my life and I am so glad they enjoy playing with her. I feel joyful and relieved knowing that my family can be helped in this way.

4) I am grateful for my space...I have a wonderful bedroom and a side room where I keep my art supplies, computer desk, and an eating space. Everything is in the process of organization and some serious feng shui-ing. This makes me feel honored as I create my sacred space around me.

5) I am grateful for the fabulous foods that I eat every day. My family has been on the path of healthier, higher vibrational foods for some time now. We eat lots of greens like Kale, Brussels, Bok Choy...and tons of garlic (number 1 anti-cancer)...sprouted grains...and organic meats. Whole Foods being so close by here in Jerz is def a plus and a convenience. I am grateful for these wonderful foods...they make me feel nourished in a deep and "high vibe" way.

Love Love Love to ya'll on this Friday night. We have a ritual lately of watching "Oh Happy Day" from Sister Act 2...hehe....I guess my influence rubbed off on my nephew cuz he sings it spontaneously =) Just one of those feeeel gooood tunes.

Namaste ~ Sat Nam ~ Blessings

Day 2 - "for feeling loved..."

"Intuitive Love" by Laurie Kammer ~ Dec 2011

1) I am grateful for my new leg braces which arrived this morning; they make me feel excited, nervous, and passionate about using my legs to support myself... and about standing and striving to re-claim my body.

2) I am grateful for the ability to share my music with others...this morning the dude who brought my braces told me he loved my song "Recycle" and couldn't get it out of his head...then my personal trainer proceeded to compliment my songs and suggest singing for schools and getting myself out there.....being an artist can be so scary sometimes...and sharing can be so dreadfully nerve wracking. I am grateful for my ability to share, my confidence to share....this makes me feel authentic.

3) I am grateful for my art therapist. Today I added probably the 10th layer or so to my painting and the process has shown me how life can change and continue to evolve...nothing has to stay stagnant...creation is a process that is infinite and so full of joy. This makes me feel at peace with life's movements...joyful with creation. I feel relieved in knowing that nothing is ever really finished...we simply transform and evolve...and recycle.

4) I am grateful for the workers at Whole Foods here in Jerz who recognize that I have a special family...the man who took the time to stop me and say how he misses seeing us all there, that he is happy to see me hanging with Kai and still rockin it....this makes me feel included in my community, cared for, missed, and appreciated.

5) I am grateful for the Postal Service....because whenever I get mail it is usually a beautiful postcard or greeting card from loved ones....this makes me feel loved and remembered. I am so grateful!

And...lastly I want to say how grateful I am for those of you who are with me through the network...the internet has given me more support than ever imaginable in our times....we are so interconnected and I am so grateful to be able to share and spread the love with you.

Namaste!

Being grateful ~ Day 1

"Ascend" by Laurie Kammer ~ July/Aug 2011

1) I am grateful for my family because they make me feel safe.

2) I am grateful for the friends I have made through this experience, because they make me feel like I am not alone.

3) I am grateful for my case worker at Kessler for helping me today, for being so committed to me...she makes me feel cared for and important.

4) I am grateful for the ability to use my hands to write, draw, paint, type, eat, and maneuver myself through life in a wheelchair...this makes me feel empathy for those who have lost full use or partial use of their hands...and I am so humbled...so grateful.

5) I am grateful for the many opportunities that have entered my life, I feel blessed, incredibly fortunate, and I have acquired a new sense of trust in life's hidden gifts.

21 Days of Gratitude

"Listen Up it's time to take another look around....it's hard to hear your inner voice so shhh don't make a sound." - From "Conscious Evolution" on my album "Rainbow Roots"

Last Jan-Feb of 2011, my sister and I began a 21 day challenge for yoga, meditation and blogging. I began writing my blog "Puranpreet" which is my Kundalini spiritual name (get yours here) and my sister began writing her blog "Awaken Awareness." I learned through our experience that when you commit to yourself, make it a challenge, and have someone there to support you along the way, you shift into being able to create the time and space for doing those things you are interested in, miss doing, or know you NEED in your life.

Since June 9th, the night of my injury, I have learned many small and powerful lessons about life. I attribute much of my self growth as the gift in my wound. I was forced into stillness...forced to do things that always made me uncomfortable....like expressing my needs, asking for help, allowing others to care for me, exploring the "darker" emotions and unhealthy thought patterns, examining the mis-communications in my relationships, setting boundaries....etc. There are so many ways in which life teaches you. On my harder days, I often think of my many heroes who also went through a traumatic life experience and yet came out more whole and self aware from their journey. I knew on that night when I was clinging to my rib cage as though I was holding my body together...that what had just occurred right then in that very moment... was somehow going to heal me. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace in knowing that somehow, completely unknown and unexplainable to myself, there was a greater purpose now preparing to be born through me- through this life experience.

So...after spending much of my winter at home... learning and growing, I am ready to shift into sharing again. Next week I begin outpatient therapy with more OT and PT. I'm still seeing an acupuncturist, taking tons of enzymes to support my whole body systems, getting Raindrop therapy with essential oils, working with an Art Therapist, getting BodyTalk energy healing sessions, and working out hard with a personal trainer. I've wheeled around Morristown by myself a couple times and each day I strive to either think about or try something new. I've even started writing with my left hand in my journal. =) I'm seeing more and more how creating small achievable steps and celebrating those small achievements is so important. I recognize that the beauty of the journey is not the end result....it's the process, the people who are there with you, and the state of mind that drives you. My drive to move is strong ~ no problem! But my willingness to sit still and listen?? hmm...I'm still working on that. That's why I'm back to the blog...and challenging myself to another 21 day challenge.

So....21 days of gratitude

I am going to spend the next 21 days to take 10 minutes on my blog to write down 5 things I am grateful for and how they make me FEEL. I've heard from countless leaders that vibrating in the feeling of gratitude can create a shift inside and out. The challenge for me is to add in the emotional element. So, just 10 minutes of stillness to sit with myself, count my blessings, and bask in the feeling of being grateful.

Stillness is just one lesson that has come through my paralysis. I can't speak for others who share my situation...but for me, my whole world perspective has changed. I invite you to take a deep breath, and ask yourself what lesson you are learning in your life right now. What do you need to do or be in order to master your life's lesson? hmm....I'm sure if we sit still we might just hear the answers.

All of my love, blessings, and gratitude. Namaste ~ Laurie

International Day of Acceptance

Today, January 20th is International Day of Acceptance.

Words can seem so simple...so meaningless....so harmless....but they can also be very powerful....inspirational....and full of importance. Today...I will reflect on just this one word - Acceptance.

It's morning right now and I plan on writing this blog throughout the day...because my emotions and thoughts change drastically from moment to moment.

So. This morning, I awoke to a challenge... I over slept my alarm by 20 minutes, and it messed up my morning program..(I don't want to get into detail, but because of the loss of my bowel and bladder control, I have to stick to a schedule!!) Rather than laying there and feeling victimized by this occasional occurence, I asked my emotional self how she was feeling. She answered quite loudly to me, "Well, this sucks! Who wants to wake up to this? Why can't I be normal!? I feel sad, mad, frustrated, and overwhelmed!" Then I noticed my mind stepping in to calm her down...saying "You are still healing, you are always changing, and it's going to be ok even if it happens again. You have support from your family, it is ok to receive help, you aren't alone, it's going to be ok, you're alright, you're still you....on and on blah blah." Wow I am pretty darn good at mothering my inner emotional self. I have rarely ever noticed the conversation that occurs inside me, but I have been working on listening more and these are just some of the observations I've become awake and aware to. Acceptance is a big word today, right now. It means to me that even though I have my ups and downs, I can still say this word and remind myself that I am alive. Truthfully, I am more alive now because of this word.

Prior to my injury, I felt a strong urge to heal. Heal what? My past, my relationships, my body, my thoughts, my emotions....my spiritual connection. I was feeling broken even before my body physically broke. The difference now between these two selves is that today I see how every part of me has a story to tell....I was trying to heal by getting rid of those stories...trying to push them away, detox them out, shower them with affirmations. This wasn't working for me because I wasn't allowing myself to sit still and listen to them. Each hurt, each pain, each broken promise, each un-met expectation, each tear, each regret, guilt, shame, and fear wanted me to listen - not push it away or stuff it down or powerhose it with detoxing. These stories each have a life of their own with loud and passionate stories. The time now has come to listen because I feel that at the core...every life wants to be heard, loved, and accepted for who or whatever they are.

In the 7 months since my injury, I have slowly learned how to listen and it is a practice I am committed to for the rest of my life. Not just listening to myself and the stories within my mind...but opening my ears and heart to my intuition, my environment, my friends and family, my art, my music, and my body...especially the parts of me that no longer move. I recognize how being closed off to listening is also being closed off to acceptance....receiving...and allowing. I am learning how to be more accepting of myself now...and it is opening doors that I was afraid to open before. It's shaking up old beliefs that were more comfortable being stuck in their ways. It's creating more of the life I have always wanted for myself, but was afraid to own. Why is it that we spend so much time not accepting ourselves? Is this because if we accept who we are then we have to take responsibility for our flaws? In my case, yes. I have wanted to keep my flaws hidden...I thought if I accepted myself that meant I accepted never walking again...this will continue to be the hardest part of that word...that's the fifty pound weight on my shoulders. Well to that old pattern I want to say "farewell!" I want to lift you up and toss you back out into the dark night sky because I know that I am a whole and beautiful being.....I am aware of my limitations and of my strengths...and I accept every part of me that has never been allowed to hear that word before. That, I accept.

~~~~

Now, before I go to bed, I am returning to this blog. Overall, this was a very interesting day. I knew that I wanted to honor it as a I would a holiday...to give it respect and truly ponder what this means...to accept. I asked my family if we could talk about it during our dinner. From our conversation together I am now reminded that when I became injured, it began a very deep and personal journey. Yes, this is where I am now and why I am working every day with my new practice of acceptance. But what I was also reminded of was that this didn't only happen to me...it happened to my family, my friends, my community....and if you are reading this blog right now...it happened to you too. My journey is my own, but it has also become a part of your personal journey. I know that somehow the lessons I learn and the challenges I face are also teaching others....touching others. Each member of my family fell with me and had to face a new life. Each one of you has experienced something as a result of this...we really are so connected.

While I am on that topic...I have never been so grateful for technology...for the network of the internet. I have felt so supported and loved by this community. I have met new friends who have become a huge part of my life...in therapies...as my comrades...and as open doors to new opportunities. I have reconciled old friendships, created new artwork, and found new ways to connect and get my needs met without having to leave my home. Thank you.

I could probably write on and on about the inner quarrels of finding acceptance with what has happened to me. The truth will stand....that acceptance is something I work on every day. It's not a good thing or a bad thing...it just is what it is. I have free will to choose the words that tag on behind that heavy one ~ like accepting my life, accepting my body, accepting my emotions...on and on it can go. There will be resistance and there will be ease and that is the natural way.

I ask you....have you counted your blessings? Have you considered what it would take for you to finally accept yourself? What is holding you back? Are you scared that no one will love you...that you will not be a worthy human being if others don't accept you? So many questions! What does acceptance mean to you?

And so for now my mantra is this. I accept my Journey.

Namaste ~ Rise Up Every Day

-Laurie Elizabeth

The "C" word...

Commitment....that's a big word for me.

It has taken me years of soul searching, reading self-help books, attending workshops, and many insightful conversations with those who love me...just to start getting clear on the things that are blocking me from my Self.

One of those "things" is that big C word.

It's not that I have a problem committing to other people....that's actually very easy for me to do. You want me in your life? You need something from me? SURE! I'm there for you, in fact, you can control my life all you want because that not only makes things easier for me....it makes me feel good. This has been my pattern...and it's not serving me at all anymore.

Of course this pattern isn't all bad because it's simply a behavior I needed to develop as a way to protect myself when I was younger. I feel and know in my heart that a lot of our adult "issues" or "blocks" come from our childhood environment....family, friends, school, media, the babysitter, the babysitter's dog.....etc....EVERYTHING affects us ALL the time...like Feng Shui....which is translated into "wind and water"....ever-changing, ever-flowing...and sweetly pervasive aspects of our true and natural composition. I'm basing this on the now-proven fact that everything in existence is energy...that creator and creation are ONE whole - ultimately inter-connected on a subatomic "subtle" level.

Most of us are too busy, distracted, and wrapped up in the clockwork of everyday thoughts and happenings to recognize this. I know....because that was - and in a way, still is - me. Yup, for sure... I'm still partly dwelling in that old way of being. The up-side is that, I see how we have the ability to get through these "issues and blocks" the moment we slow down enough to develop the awareness needed to address them. Sometimes it takes a life-changing event like becoming paralyzed...or maybe it comes from a scene in a movie, a passage in a book, or an emotionally charged fight with a family member to catalyze your "growth" muscles. Whatever the catalyst, and however, whenever it comes for you....it's just the right time, place, and person.

SO back to that "C" word....Commitment.

I've avoided that word in regards to my own self-development. I somehow grew up not knowing how to nurture my body, honor my gifts, budget my finances, stand up for my beliefs or truths, etc...(it's a long list). I was afraid to ask for "me" time. Instead- I would allow the time to pass and the emotions to boil up inside me until like a little 5 year old throwing a fit (or a rebellious teenager), I'd take my time or run away in a desperate search for the "ME" that I was yearning to find, hold and honor. In a way, I'm feeling that I had lost a part of my soul so long ago that I've spent my life feeling lost and alone - lacking clarity, and the strength to ask those around me for help. Instead?? It's so much easier for me to ask those around me how I could serve them...help them...save them from losing themselves in the way that I had. I know that many of you can relate to this in some way. Giving to others feels wonderful! Giving is a beautiful part of relationships...but how can we give when our vessels are empty?? What's left to give?

Slowing down......actually being forced to slow down....has been a gigantic part of my healing. Yes, I'm in a wheelchair and for how long I can not say. Yes, I am currently paralyzed...and again, who knows how long this will last. Every day I record in a log; my pain level, my meals, my challenges and achievements, my therapies, my moods....and it's through this process that I am able to see the slow and steady growth and transformation that is occurring. Key words being SLOW and STEADY. Becoming conscious of your own ability to change creates a practice that I will be working on for the rest of my life. It's the practice of becoming the co-creator of my life. Being active in the process of how my life manifests itself by developing the ability to choose what thoughts and beliefs are serving me. I can either evolve them further or drop them completely....oh boy, what a practice.

Whenever we let go of a deeply ingrained belief system....we put ourselves into the grieving process. Our bodies, minds, and emotions, have been operating with these systems for so long that we are falsely identifying ourselves through them. I'm finding that with every discovery and letting go I am more and more free to express my truth and to share that with others. Of course I have years of protecting layers to sift through....which ones serve me...which ones don't...the process is long and grueling and it's hard work! No wonder I've been avoiding it... I know that I desperately wanted to change...but it was so much easier not to.

I thought I was free.....I thought this because I was single and somehow that meant I was more committed to myself. Now I see that the true freedom comes through being truthful with yourself, and growing the confidence to safely express that truth to everyone. In fact, being in relationships with others has helped me grow more into my truth! I see now that I wasn't free....I was terrified. Terrified of showing others who I really was inside for fear of losing even more of myself or worse...losing them. The fears began to pile up...one fear led to another...an endless chain of paralyzing fears...creating more and more walls between me and everyone that loved me.

I sit here now....with aching, burning, stabbing, tense, and tight sensations running through my lower body. I call this day my "Day 2"....of my 3-day nerve pain/feelings cycle that I have finally tracked down. It's days like this that create feelings of frustration with my beautiful body. My body that is made of the same stuff the earth is made of....the same energy that flowers, bees, trees, and all of my beautiful family and friends are made of. Like I said.....the practice will be a life-long endeavor....towards allowing my emotions to move through me rather than build up and control me....

I suppose that is all for now. Again....this blog is yet another tool and piece of my therapeutic journey. Can we call it Blog Therapy? Cuz it realllly does help. To be able to sit down and channel my own thoughts and feelings for myself....hearing these words for the first time as they are also being shared with those in my support system. Thank you dearly everyone. Thank you Blog Gods.



Namaste and Blessings!
Laurie

Holiday CARDS?!! ~ try Send Out Cards...

Hello all!

I recently became a distributor for "Send Out Cards" which is an online card and gift sending program that enables you to create customized cards for ANYthing. I was first introduced to this program as a way for me to be able to reach out to everyone who has sent me cards and gifts as I recover from my injury. What I found when I started creating cards using this program, was that it is also incredibly convenient for me to connect with others quicker than I ever have before. Because I am an artist...I always tell myself I will make a gift or card for someone's birthday/special occasion...and then I rarely do because of life's busy pace. Thus creating guilt and downing myself for failing to act on my will.

"Send Out Cards" just made my favorites list because I can create personalized pictures and messages, schedule mass mailings to multiple people by importing a mailing list, upload my artwork to promote myself, create printed canvases of my artwork, create business cards, create video cards....and choose from a ton of gifts that can be included with the card. I forgot to mention they have a form for you to fill in your personal handwriting so that when you type on your computer....it can be YOUR handwriting and signature! I mean, come on....that's cool.

Though this is very "businessy"...I still see that just as I am taking time to get strong and independent again through my recovery process....Send Out Cards is going to help me to gain new "muscles" in a different way. I am learning that nothing happens quickly...everything needs to be practiced...and having a postitve attitude during the process is the key to success.

Sooooo.....I decided I will just start small and create a post here on my blog to just let everyone know about this great program. It's FUN, it's CHEAPer than buying cards at the store, and it SAVES you a trip to the post office. Of course for me right now....these things are all huge. If you go to this website....

https://www.sendoutcards.com/137245/

.....you can create a free card to see how easy the program is and make a decision for yourself as to whether you are interested in buying a monthly subscription or simply using the site whenever you think of a card to send.

Here's the differences between those two options...

https://www.sendoutcards.com/start/retail/

Basically, the subscription will offer a few more options and help you keep track of cards you have sent...also the ability to create mailing lists for different purposes (girl scouts, business, family, etc)....plus the points never go away if you want to let them build up throughout the year until the holiday season comes around!! Of course the "Pay as you Go" option is also convenient too and allows you to decide how much you are able to spend in one mailing.

This truly is a different voice for me....but I want everyone to know that I really am enjoying this program...especially because it shows that EVERYONE is creative =)

If you are interested in buying a subscription....then great!!! You will be helping me out by doing so and the money is going towards my new business venture so that I can continue to make money EVEN though I am currently recovering from a spinal cord injury and unable to work outside of my home.

If you own a business or non-profit yourself....or are interested in becoming a distributor yourself.....I highly recommend checking out the opportunity page:

https://www.sendoutcards.com/opportunity/

OK!! I'm still organizing my mail list for my BIG mailing to all you LOVELY people out there who have been so supportive to me. I look forward to learning more about how to grow as an artist and entrepreneur....and how this program can cater to the needs of both!

Take care.....HAPPY HOLIDAYS....and NAMASTE
~Laurie