Friday, April 1, 2011

to care or not to care?

In the past 2 days, I've received some stupidly simple insights into my own patterns of behavior and how they are affecting me in relationship with myself and others.

I was laying in bed with my nephew until he fell asleep and I found myself thinking of how I can get super frustrated and angry with him (or my niece)...if you have kids, then you certainly understand! Then I thought about how when they are yelling at me, I get very upset. I think things like, "How dare you be mad at me, or Don't you be mad at me...I didn't do anything......I'm trying to help it this way....blah blah blah...." Upon hearing all of this....I realized 2 things...

1. These are the same things I heard/felt from others as a child...

2. That I feel and think those things because I care so much whenever anyone is angry with me.

Yea, It's natural to be angry with others, and children are good at that ~ but they are also amazing at loving you within minutes. This is because they are natural healers...knowing that the full expression of emotion is the way to deal with them! duh.

Anyway, back to "caring" so much. I realize that because I cared, I made a point to avoid any sort of conflict in relationship...ultimately leading to an unfulfilled expression of my being...always catering to the "other" so that I am not ever in that position. So, what happened once I realized all this...?

Within that same moment when I heard in my mind "I care when others are mad at me," I felt it release and leave. This was so freeing!! I didn't even have to try to switch the belief. I immediately dropped it because it was sooooo simple and "DUH"....not to mention absolutely unnecessary for my growth. Why should I care? Actually...I don't care..."I don't care" that works so much better.

I grew up being told not to say those words..."I don't care".....aren't all girls taught something like this? It's not "ladylike"....say something like "I don't mind" instead.....or don't express it at alll! EEeeek. A goddess does not put up with that....she speaks her mind, and stands strong in her "self"

Allllll in alll....some very liberating moments can come from the simplest of things. Thank you thank you universe for that.

A quote from this awesome book my sister is reading....On Becoming love, work, and life by Arianna Huffington.....enjoy~

"Our most meaningful relationships are based on a longing for expansion rather than a preoccupation with comfort and security. To live exuberantly- to fully know and be fully known by another- we must be prepared to illuminate the dark spots in our most intimate relationships and in our selves." ....."so in the end, it's all about finding your best self, not losing yourself in another."

SAT NAM dear ones! love love love love love love love love rarrrrrrh!

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