Today was one of those spontaneously fun and mellow days. Here's my feel good 5 for today...
1) I am grateful for the people you can trust with absolutely anything. I've tried and tried to hide myself from some people...I've tried and tried to put on the right disguise to please certain people....even to please my own high expectations. But there are some people you simply can't hide from. My sister (my bro's wife but she's my sisssta) is one of those people. She knows without me saying...she knows whats up behind my smiles and she's still there for me on days like today when I needed her to help me at the spa. I had a waxing appt. (ouch! but hey, there are advantages to being paralyzed and numbed) and I realized in there that there are very few people I trust to see me at my most vulnerable, essentially seeing me practically stripped of every cover up I try to hide myself with...in my purest most naked self (and I mean that on a multitude of levels). I'm grateful for her because she makes me feel as though I am accepted no matter what face I am showing the world.
2) I am grateful for my niece Neena. She has grown so much since I moved here in the beginning of 2010. I watched her play with friends from her school today. Diagnosed at the age of 2 with a rare genetic disorder and told she may never eat, walk, talk, or grow....I marvel at her accomplishments. She is so incredibly driven regardless of the nights when she wakes up choking because of her throat or reflux...regardless of being "different" or "disabled." Today 6 years old Neena didn't just nibble...she devoured veggie straws, dehydrated mango, raw chocolate....she not only walks, she dances and slides and climbs on the playground...then jumped on a trampoline! She swings and sings and laughs and just purely loves and enjoys life. She cuddles you and finds strangers to hug in the grocery store. She's my teacher, my hero, my inspiration. I absolutely adore and admire her essence and the beautiful gift of simply "being Neena" that she brings the world.
3) I am grateful for my life experience being Neena and Kai's nanny....today I was reminded of the last 2 years....learning how to care for my niece and nephew changed my whole life. I gained a family, a purpose, and a life experience that would open me up to the limitlessness of being a child again. Today on the playground I reminisced about swinging on the swings with them....hula hooping...running around...all that fun stuff that I can't do right now. Yes ~ I'd be completely lying if I said I wasn't sad about not being able to do that with them. Yes of course I miss being their nanny. Life is teaching me new lessons now...I am still their "Titi" and I can still be fun, nurturing, and there when they need me. Having that experience and being able to watch them grow makes me feel proud and just plain grateful for this journey. Check out the pics from the playground today down below!
4) I am grateful for easily accessible places. With trying to get out in public more and more...I am realizing all the obstructions and obstacles that come with maneuvering life in a wheelchair. For example the sidewalk to the spa was a hill and cobbestone...then the door was super heavy. It would have taken me like 10 minutes to get inside as opposed to about 2 for the walking person. Things like sidewalks are a big deal to me...every crack causes a bump that can knock my feet off the foot stand...every curb can send me flying out of my chair if I don't gauge the wheelie just right. There is so much left for me to conquer and adapt to in order to feel comfortable in the world. When I find places that have such amazing accessibility for wheelchairs...I feel so grateful...like someone out there was thinking about the minority population that needs those ramps and door opening buttons. Sometimes I get so upset...like seeing stairs in front of cute shops or restaurants...no ramp....or the fact that the train station less than a mile from my house is not a handicap stop. Its incredibly frustrating!
5) I am grateful for inventors. Invention is a cool word...just popped into my head as I was thinking about the new gadgets coming out on the market...including things like the ekso skeleton robotic legs that I was fortunate enough to trial this past fall at kessler. Check out the video here. Inventors are creators who are pushing the bottom line of what is possible. Without invention we would be stuck and life would start to taste like bland oatmeal. Inventions bring us newness and create a surge of excitement that life indeed continues. We all have the gift of inventor inside us.....I wonder what I will invent for myself? hmmmmm....
Lastly....I want to share a photo of the drawing I made while in my standing frame this afternoon. I haven't given it a title....but I feel the image speaks from my soul. It's about facing my fear...it's about what happened to me....it's about letting go/giving up and striving ahead/conquering challenge all at the same time. It's my gift and here it is to share with you now.
Night ~ Namaste and Blessings. Ommmmm shanti (as Kai was singing in the car ride home today, that little yogini)