Sunday, March 18, 2012

Day 19 ~ From Estrangement to Enthusiastic Communication

"Redbird" by Laurie Kammer January 2012

Ahhhh yes....chocolate brain. Here I am showing up for my blog with the lingering taste of dark chocolate in my mouth. mmmm yum

1) I am grateful for spontaneity. I am an obsessive planner. I love to organize, schedule, prep, visualize. Let's face it....I'm basically admitting to my control issues. BUT spontaneity happens and when it reminds me that I'm not always in control...actually who knows how much I really end up controlling when the day is done. Today I was sprinkled with spontaneous moments and it made me feel gave me this adrenaline rush of pure be-ingness.

2) I am grateful for eavesdropping. I have gotten pretty angry at people when I feel like my conversations are being eavesdropped...but let's face it again...if you're human, you've done it! Anyways. I sat in Starbucks today and overheard/eavesdropped in on the convos around me. 2 statements really struck me...and I ended up using them as writing prompts in my journal for stream of consciousness. Both eavesdropped prompts led to paragraphs of self discovery. I felt kind of sneaky but again...this little adrenaline rush of "doing something I'm not supposed to do"...little did these people know that their chit chat was creating thoughtful responses in my journal.

3) I am grateful for communication. This morning a friend of mine reminded me about how much of a gift it is to be able to communicate with others. For some of my friends who have suffered higher level spinal cord injuries...they had months in which they could not speak or breath on their own because of a vent in their neck. This simple reminder to speak up when the spirit moves me rather than create excuses as to why it's not the right time, place, astrological line up....whatever. If you feel the inspiration to speak, then most likely its a sign and invitation to act on that impulse. I had so many wonderful conversations today...some of them were with people I had just met like the woman in the toy store who shared with me in our love of colored gel pens....or the woman outside of starbucks who was having a hard time putting her little dog into a backpack so she could grab a coffee inside...I held the bag open for her and we giggled...we shared a moment of our day and in an instant we became acquainted rather than estranged. I also met 3 of my neighbors this I met 4! And you know what? They all were so open and kind and inviting...they were genuinely attentive and curious and offered their time and company whenever. Communication is a gift...this is a lesson I am still cultivating but today I felt outgoing and social...but I also felt clear within my own inner communication...with all those convo prompts popping up around me...

4) I am grateful for my wheelchair. Wowzah....Sometimes I do a morning meditation with Louise Hay. She leads me through my life and environment, blessing absolutely everything and everyone and all the situations I have lived and are yet to live. She gives us time to look around and bless the furniture and objects that are so crucial to our daily lives. I always say a little thank you to my wheelchair for holding me and moving me around in the world. Without it I'd be stuck in a bed all day or getting seriously jacked from dragging myself in an army crawl. But body from the waist down has become super sensitive and fragile. I need a special cushion to prevent sores from having to sit all day. My circulation has slowed, my bones and muscles are atrophied...and I actually don't sweat from the point of injury down....I guess that's part of having a spinal cord injury. My wheelchair supports me for now in keeping me safe (as long as I dont fly myself off a curb or run into a wall of course) and mobile. I'm still in shock that this has become the way I move in the world...I'm still grieving...I feel disabled and the chair reminds me of that, especially every time we pull into the handicap spots. I never knew that symbol would become a reflection of me. For now, I feel grateful for this wheelchair for making me feel like I have an alternative to being stuck and stagnant...I can move ~ so lets keep rollin.

5) I am grateful for my enthusiasm. This morning as I was writing at Starbucks I noticed how quickly I become enthused over a small child who's been told they are getting the dog or cat or toy or whatever it is they have been wanting forever. My eyes light up like I've finally hit my shovel against the top of a buried treasure chest. So many times today I felt my enthusiasm bubble and fill me with an energy I haven't felt in a while. It's like butterflies in your stomach when your high school crush calls you up. Enthusiasm reminds me of that spontaneity and pure joy that is reminiscent of being a child in a world that is yours for the "gifting"'s yours for the "receiving." Children are naturally enthusiastic about helping others and sharing their gifts or creations. I met 2 girls today that live near my house...they are probably about 11 or 12 years old and they are friends through dance class. Oh how my eyes lit up when I began asking them about what kinds of dance they took...they were so full! They were so beautifully joyful about telling me that they did "lots!" of different kinds of dance. Enthusiasm feels like pure, authentic, joy of being. Yes~ being and being-ness are my new fav words for my authentic self power vocabulary. lol. Enthusiasm feels like a big huge smile that comes straight from the heart. there. enough said

Soooo off to bed before week 3! Week 3 of leg braces, wheel chair scares... I mean SKILLS..some art therapy...some b-day action in tha house too. OH and watch out foodie people...I am attempting to make a dinner this week....biG Deal haha. Might cry....or blame the onions.

Thank God for chocolate brain...I just rambled that off in no time.

Thought this photography was soooo beautiful (from a framing shop in Morristown)

This was the salad my dad brought me today...I'm beginning to wonder about his "plating" OCD. haha

LOVE and an enthusiastic NAMASTE

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