So yesterday was such an interesting day for me. I tried new things and I shared my fears. Today I began my day with so many questions. I am eager to learn through my journey about the life I can live, about the people around me, about the purpose of suffering. As I said in yesterday's blog....I am so grateful for the journey. Here's my 5 today.
1) I am grateful for my journal. My journal is the friend inside me that always has her ears wide open. She doesn't speak back or judge the words that fill her body. She holds my grief, pain, anger and frustration. She celebrates my AHA moments with me and she even gets down on her knees and prays as though her life depended on it. I've never filled 4 journals in 3 months before....I must have a lot to say? My journal is a place I can go to feel safe, validated, and HONEST! Here's a pic of all my journals...
This next one is my new Peacock Journal and it is fresh and ready to start for tomorrow....my fifth journal in three months...crazytown. I have to say, the Peacock is such a strikingly beautiful male bird...like the ultimate dude...so elegant and refined, just not your average "male"...but I guess that's what makes birds so cool to me...how come the dudes get to be so pretty?! yea yea yea...whatever.
2) I am grateful for Therapy. I mean therapy as a very broad term. Before my injury I was studying psychology with the intention of becoming a mental health counselor with some kind of specialization in the creative arts. I had never thought about seeing an actual psychologist for my own therapy....that would mean I needed to admit I had something wrong, right? Well, from where I sit right now...I look back at myself and I say no Laurie, you're wrong. Therapy is a gift you can give to yourself. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong or right with you. Therapy is a whole universe in itself...there are tons of different styles to choose from. You can create a therapy that caters to what you need most in the moment. Maybe its a therapeutic bodywork, maybe its re-training a bad habit like biting your nails...maybe it is something serious from your past that you need help letting go of. Art, Music, Dance, Drama......maybe you need a cat or a dog to play with! My point is that my whole perspective on what it means to seek out therapy has completely changed as a result of my injury. Without the help of physical, occupational, art, essential oils, acupuncture/energy....all these types of therapies are serving me so much. I confess that yes it took admitting that I needed help...that something was "wrong"....but I see that it's so not necessary to be hurt and in pain as a requirement for counsel. Therapy makes me feel guided, respected, humbled, and received.
3) I am grateful for play. Playing with my niece today, I was overwhelmed by how joyful it is to forget about my adult mind and step back into the realm of possibility. Neena marched while I sang and spontaneously created songs, conversations between toys, etc. We can hang out together for a good 10 minutes just enjoying the twangy, boiinggy sounds that came from hitting my metal water bottle with her toys. The best part about playing with Neena is that we can have fun and not say anything at all. We just hit that bottle, looked at each other, and giggled like little friends. Play reminds me that life is what we make of it. Play makes me feel Joy and it brings me back to the simpleness of life.
4) I am grateful for destruction. This morning I wrote about becoming a tornado and a tsunami. I was reminded of last years chaos when the tsunami hit and completely changed the world. Every time something catastrophic happens on Earth, it affects us as a whole being. It is a moment when we unite and re-evaluate what is happening, why it happened...and we ask ourselves.."what if that were me? my family? my home?" The forces of destruction are a crucial part of life. They knock down the structures that aren't strong enough to withstand the force. I think of the goddess Kali...she dances the dance of destruction and creation...it is a beautifully organized part of the life process.....destruction makes me more aware of the journey I am on. Destruction is a wake up call.
5) I am grateful for boundaries. Did I already write about this? I feel like I wanted to but now I can't remember. Boundaries have been a huge part of my journey. I never wanted to admit that I needed boundaries...in fact I had no clue what that even meant before I was paralyzed. I thought that I could keep letting people in to see all of me...to take whatever they needed and to just plain live in my space all they wanted. Well, after my wake up call from Kali, I was shown a multitude of reasons why boundaries create empowered women, stronger relationships....and leaders out of victims. I admit that I am still learning to trust my boundaries....to create them when I need to. Sometimes I let things get overwhelming before I lose it and realize I am trying to run away rather than claim my personal space. Anyways....I am learning to trust that I can not only fear dishonesty, I can fear dis-empowerment.
Ok ya'llll ~ another day in this life. I sooo wanted to blog about the amazing spelt flour burger rolls and grass fed beef burgers my dad made, so instead i'll just give the visual because it was soo freakin amazing I captured my every bite with so much love and gratitude for this night's family dinner.
My dad made these rolls from scratch....."hiiigh vibe" sprouted organic spelt flour. So Soooo tasty...seriously not a noticable wheat or grainy flavor..just soft, fresh, and amazing.
His burgers had some yummy spices, garlic, mushrooms, and HEY you could even add some finely chopped sauteed kale in to give it a nice green hit.
I am having a seriously sensual moment right now.....
Raw artisan cheeses and roasted garlic...a little honey mustard
I don't want this night to end.
But it had tooo!=)